Drabble Box
by InsaneDutchGirl
Summary: What it says, a box full of drabbles I'm gonna place one-shots in when I'm bored or just when I feel like it. It's gonna be fun, I promise. And I might even take some requests. Further information is inside the story. T just to be safe as future stories may have this rating. Chapter 7: Leonardo learns something new, something he knew all along.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay before we start, here are the **_**houserules**_**. I came up with the drabble box because I have way too many ideas for one-shots which I hardly ever end up writing. So now, whenever I'm bored, I pick some things out of the jar on my desk which has all those ideas on different slits of paper. I combine some and tada, we have a story. Just like I used to do with the large toybox I had (guess where the name came from ;p). **

**Of course I would love for you guys to also come up with ideas and stuff so for the first time in my entire life I don't mind 'taking requests' as it is called here, as long as I feel comfortable writing them. Yeah, I know, very childish of me and stuff but really, I ain't no humorous romantic or anything so don't make me try do that XD. If you read other stories of mine you might know what kind of genre I mostly write. **

**But yeah, let's just go with the flow and see where we end up, no? Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Well Athese and I are saving up money now. Donations are gladly accepted. **

Right from Wrong

It isn't often that Michelangelo Hamato is truly bothered when he doesn't understand something. Usually he asks his elder brothers and occasionally his father, for answers with little to no shame. He is only curious after all and never have his family members ridiculed him or sent him away when he showed them interest on a particular subject. And Mikey was grateful for that as, sometimes, he couldn't help how his brain worked. When something puzzled him he needed an answer. And where could he get those better than with the people he believed knew everything?

This time it is different though. And he knows he's asking for problems when he brings up the topic after diner. Feelings are still so… there. The pain is too fresh, especially for his father, but he can't help but wonder anyways. So he asks.

"Do you guys think we should help Karai?"

Leo is the first to answer, not angry yet, merely surprised of what could have brought this up.

"What do you mean, Mikey? Of course we need to save her. She's in danger."

In the corner of his eye Mikey sees Raph ready to rebut, itching for another shouting match with his only older brother. They're getting along quite well lately but one thing they never seem to angry upon is the 'Karai-situation'. And their constant fighting is actually the reason why Mikey came up with this question in the first place. He wants to know who is right.

"Well, do we know if she's good now? What if she's evil because of her genes or something? That she's got evil Shredder-genes that mess with her head so she can't be good even if she wants to."

The youngest turtle turns towards his father, wondering if he has the answers. However, to his disappointment the elderly rat has disappeared from the kitchen which makes Mikey's stomach clench painfully. He hopes he hasn't upset him.

"Evil genes don't exist, Mikey," Donnie explains, drawing the attention of his little brother back towards the conversation. "And if they did Karai would have Splinter's, not those of Shredder. Still it's quite interesting. Research shows that a large part of the a person's free will is directed by their upbringing as that teaches them right from wrong. When looking at the statistics, it would be more logical for Karai to stay loyal to the Shredder as her morals have taught her she should."

"So we can't trust her?" Mikey tries carefully, glancing slightly at Leo who is still determined to get her back. He's been planning for an infiltration for days now. "If that's what she's taught."

"Of course we can. She told us herself that she's changed. The Shredder means nothing to her now she knows he lied to her and killed her mother. He even wanted her to kill her biological father and believe me that she was hurt when she found that out. We just need to have a little faith in her."

Before the orange-clad turtle can say anything Raphael opens his mouth, fists clenching around the edges of the table which makes the younger turtle wince. Poor table.

"So just because she said she has changed you're going to believe her? The bi- the chick has lied to us plenty o' times before and we always turned out looking like idiots. I don't care what kinda upbringing she had, everyone's got choices ta make and she didn't choose right."

Mikey thought back of when he told Karai something along those lines. Just before they fought Tigerclaw, when they lost Karai. She had betrayed them then but she had also looked genuinely guilty when she realised her mistake. The battle was disastrous though and ever since Mikey's been uncertain about the kunoichi coming into their lives, Splinter's daughter or not.

"She choose right. She saved me and had to pay for that herself."

Both older brothers stand up now, facing each other with heated expressions.

"She didn't pay jack, she got to get a nice ride back to her daddy who probably welcomed her with a nice dinner to celebrate how big of an idiots we are that they now know where the lair is!"

"And why aren't they here than yet, Raph?!"

"Maybe they ju-"

"Yame!"

All four of the brothers turn around, straightening their backs as an automatic response to the stern voice. Mikey searched for the tell-tale points of wet eyes, glistering fur, anything to tell him how he had screwed up and caused his father grief. There is nothing however, just annoyance.

"Leonardo, Raphael, could you please clean up the kitchen? If I am not mistaken it is your turn this week. Donatello, may I ask you to have a look at the heater in the living room, I fear that it is broken."

"Hai Sensei," the three eldest brothers reply, getting to their tasks without further complaint but the pointed glares between Leo and Raph.

"Michelangelo," Master Splinter addresses the youngest. "Would you follow me to my room? We have some matters to speak about."

The orange-loving turtle quickly follows his master, a little excited but also worried. Was his father angry with him? Did he make a mistake after all? Because judging his elder brothers' reactions he most certainly struck a wrong cord with them.

When inside his father's room the two sit at his low table, taking cushions opposite of one another so they can see each other's faces while talking.

"I wondered Michelangelo, what brought up the question you posed to your brothers and I a little earlier?"

Mikey winces slightly, still worrying about how his sensei feels about the situation, but replies nevertheless. One thing the boys hardly ever do is talking back to their father or ignoring him when he asks them something.

"I don't know, sensei. It's just, with everything that's been happening lately. I mean, Leo was almost killed by Tigerclaw and that was only that time. She got us into danger multiple times before, like when we planned that attack on Shredder. I don't like seeing my brothers get hurt, especially not when we could've prevented it in some sorta way."

The last part the young turtle almost mumbles, uncertain of what he says is right or wrong. He doesn't want to offend his father by insulting his daughter or admitting that he actually doesn't want her inside the lair. At least not until he's sure she isn't evil anymore.

"I know she's saved Leo multiple times too though. But maybe Raph's got a point. She had enough choices to make and she mostly choose wrong."

During the youngest' confession the ninja master doesn't say a word. His head slowly nods in understanding but his vacant look is elsewhere. It makes Mikey feel even more uncomfortable.

"So Raphael says Karai has had choices and that she failed them, like some sort of test?"

Mikey nods but doesn't reply, not exactly sure as to where his sensei is going.

"And Leonardo believes she has changed now, that because she is aware of her parentage she will bide to her honour and change sides?"

Again he nods, slightly wondering how his sensei knows this. He figures that their father had been listening but didn't want to be part of the conversation.

"And according to Donatello the variables are too uncertain, as the way she was raised influences her decision-making."

Another nod and this time Mikey starts fumbling with his fingers. Those are three possible truths, sure, but he wants to know what the actual answer is.

"So who do you think is right, sensei? Can we trust Karai?" Mikey asks when his master stays silent for a while again, remaining so still Mikey wonders if he isn't secretly slipping into meditation, having his son talking to a body that doesn't hear him.

"That doesn't matter, my son. Who do you think is right?"

Michelangelo's mouth drops and his eyes budge. Even for the trained ninja master the sight is too comical, forcing a light chuckle from his lips.

"I thought I asked you guys the question?" Mikey stutters, so confused he forgets to address his father in a slightly more polite way. "I don't know what to make out of this. That's why I asked you."

With a single, raised finger Splinter silences his exuberant son, his smile warm and gentle.

"You are fifteen now Michelangelo. You must learn that we don't have all the answers and at times, you will have to use your intuition. So tell me, what do you think is right?"

It takes the orange-clad turtle a long time to reply but when he does, his answer was so well thought it surprises even his sensei.

"I think… I think that wrong and right are stupid."

His father stares at him, waiting for his pupil to burst out into laughter because once again he doesn't take one of his teachings all that serious. But it doesn't happen. Instead they young turtle continues, oblivious to the incredulous look his teacher gives him.

"Sure she made some stupid decisions, like Raph said, but who says she was wrong there? Just because it didn't turn out well for us doesn't mean that she was wrong. The Shredder was probably really proud of her for her ruining our plans. And he would've punished her if he knew about all those times she let Leo go. And that's where Donnie's right, because of what Shredder has taught Karai she has certain ideas on what's right and wrong. And because those are different from ours we think she's evil while she's just differently taught and raised. So what Leo says then also makes sense because she might be able to teach herself our ways and ideas of right and wrong which makes her good in our eyes, but evil in Shredder's right?"

Hopeful blue eyes pierce widened brown ones. The elderly rat is lost for words which his son takes as a disappointment, his head hanging down slightly in defeat. His father quickly speaks up to fix it.

"That is a very good observation from you, my son. I have never thought of it like that."

The young, green turtle shrugs his shoulders with a smile, his eyes sparkling a bit now he knows he has impressed his father with something.

"It's kinda logical though. No one gets born evil. I thought they did but that'd be really weird. Because it isn't like, you wake up one day and decide to act against the morals of the world, right? No one wants to do evil. They just think they do the right thing by what they do. Maybe that's why the Shredder is so intent on getting rid of all of us too. And why he has so many ninja fighting on his side."

Splinter shifts slightly on his spot, leaning in closer to the conversation with interest of what his son has to say more. He always knew his youngest boy was be empathetic towards others but never had he seen such an understanding and ingenious thinking from his innocent child.

"And why would that be?"

"Well, because he does what he believes in. You taught us the way of bushido, with the honour and all. And I think that Shredder felt very offended when he couldn't get Tang-Shen. So he was angry and thought revenge was the thing he deserved. And then your wife had to go up there because of him and he got even more angry."

The ninja master chuckles at his young son's way of saying his wife had departed. He always was like that. Mikey heard it and it makes him smile even wider. He never liked saying words as murder or killing or death, especially not when it meant a loved one of someone he cared about. This way it sounded so much more softer. According to Don that's a euphemism.

"And he still thinks he's right by doing this. Same goes for the Foot. They obey their master because they think that is right. I wonder if they are just as scared to lose their friends as we are when fighting."

With that the fifteen-year-old stands up and walks towards the door.

"I'm gonna go tell the guys that you think they were all right, bet they like to hear that. Thanks for helping me out father. Good night."

Mikey bows before leaving, smiling when his sensei bade him good night as well.

And for almost another hour after Splinter sat there, wondering if what his son had said was maybe true. And with a silent shake of his head the elder rat stands up, grabbing his cane in the process. He couldn't afford to think that way. Shredder would never show him mercy in the same way he was capable of. But he would make sure his Michelangelo would remain like this. Able to see the good in every soul and trusting one easily. He would make sure that troubles would stay far from his mind and that he would remain the innocent, bright-eyed boy in front of him. He loves him that way and although he had never felt it this strongly before, Splinter knows that he heavily relies on the bright spirit inside his home.

He blows out the candles, one by one and found that indeed, there was hardly a difference between one burning and one smoking.

**Uhm… we have to read a lot of literature lately. So this happened. I don't know, I think there's a certain truth behind it. My friends still have to come up with a war or struggle or whatever in which one of the two sides really started fighting just to be evil. No one's born evil, right? No one wants to be that way, they just think they do the right thing. **

**Okay I'll quit my stupid rambling which you aren't interested in at all. See ya! Oh and don't forget to review, with my addiction and all. And after all the pain I had to go through with typing this stupid thing out I deserve them :p**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys. Got out of school four hours earlier than expected so that means more time to update yay! Strangely enough I haven't overcome my fascination for deep talks and character development and whatnot so here's yet another one hehe. And as you guys liked the first chapter I don't think you mind ;) **

**And thank you Americanpyscho, J Smith18, beautyandharmoney, bookworm563 and natalie1668 for favouriting and or following this story and an extra shout-out to .7, J Smith18, Americanpsycho, bookworm563 and my sweet baby sister Athese for being awesome reviewers! **

**So this takes place somewhere during their stay at the farmhouse but I think before Eyes of the Chimera. I don't know, choose whatever you like. **

Leading on

"Hey, Leo. What 'cha doing?

I inwardly groan but keep myself from making any sound other than a calming breath that passes my clenched teeth. My hands tighten slightly on top of my keens and I know my brother is able to notice such a distinct differences in posture. However, it is Mikey we're talking about. He's probably too distracted to see, like most of the time. Relax Leo, I tell myself. He'll leave.

"Hey, can you hear me?"

Or not. Can't he take a hint? I sense his face coming closer to mine, a feathery light hand on my shoulder. I slightly wonder why we even have our own rooms, if we aren't getting any privacy in them.

"Come on, bro."

With an exasperated sigh, which slowly turns into a low growl, I glare at the beaming face of my youngest brother. I uncurl myself from the lotus-position I have been in and wince when the blood flows back into my legs and feet. I must've meditated for longer than I thought.

"What do you want, Mikey?" I grumble while standing up and moving towards the king-size bed in my room, cursing the limp I can't seem to get rid of.

"I'm reminding you that it's half past one already and that you haven't even come down to watch Grognard with us! And you missed out on diner too. Lucky for you your favourite little brother got you a sandwich."

I smirk as he bends down to grab the plate from my floor and only with my last ounces of self-control can I keep myself from snarling something rude. But that's more Raph's thing and I remind myself that Mikey never does something without the best intentions at heart. But seriously, since when does my youngest, most irresponsible and often dim-witted goof of a brother take care of _me_? Sure I got hurt pretty bad but I don't need a nurse at my side every moment of the day. I'm fine now, I can take care of myself, thank you very much.

"If I was hungry I would've made myself something," I snap when the plate is pushed into my face. Honestly, it does smell good and actually I am hungry. But I could've made one myself, you know. Maybe I'm unable to use any kitchen appliances but Mikey knows I'm fully capable of making myself a sandwich. Not that he deserves my irritation, I think, feeling a bit quilty.

"I know right. That's what I told Raph but he said you needed rest."

Okay that makes more sense. My immediate younger brother has been keeping a close eye on me ever since I woke up. According to April he hardly ever left the bathroom when I was out of commission. But why then, is Mikey here now?

"And why couldn't Raphael tell me that himself?" I say in between bites of the sandwich. The fact that I'm eating seems to please my youngest brother some. Sometimes I'm jealous at how he manages to see happiness in the smallest thing. Like his older brother enjoying his food. But I guess he's always been like this. Raph told me he was a trooper when I was unconscious, keeping everyone's mood up the best he could. On the other hand, that's what we're all relying on him for. We need our little brother to keep the spirits up.

"Well he's got Donnie to force to bed."

I chuckle a bit, feeling my earlier frustrations slowly ebb away with the upbeat charm of my brother and not to forget, finally having something in my stomach. Yeah, we really need him around here.

"It doesn't matter in what kinda situation that dude is. If he's got a lab you can bet all your money on it he hardly sleeps. Raph and him had some major fights over that in the beginning, when you needed the mutagen and all. Now it often doesn't take Raph more than half an hour to convince Don."

I watch Mikey curiously while he keeps on smiling, eyeing my empty plate, seeming to feel as content as I do at the moment. When he makes a move to take the plate from me so he can put it away, I stop him.

"Hey Mike, I wanna ask you something." He shrugs his shoulders and sits back on my floor, legs crossed, looking up to me as I am on the bed. I like the familiarity of that. Mikey always looks up to us, not because of his shorter length, but because he trusts us. Because he needs us. I know he relies on me as a leader the most out of the rest of the team. And I don't want him to lose that faith because of what happened to me. It doesn't look like it though, the way he's looking at me right now.

"Do you think Raph is a good leader? Did he do a good job when I was… MIA?"

I study my younger brother's face closely, looking for hints as well as seriousness. Mikey often turns important matters into a joke, out of disinterest or just because he's a classclown, I don't know. I need his honest opinion though, and I know I won't get it from Donnie as he has this filter in his mouth that'll keep him from saying anything that causes him or others problems or pain. Mikey isn't that good equipped and it often gets him into trouble. But this time I need it.

"Oh he was really good. He took care of us all, you know. He totally stepped up and in the beginning it was strange to see him like that. He looked like you. He also took over the training sessions and such."

I feel pride fill up in my chest and I can't help but smile at that. After his first failure as a leader I knew he was afraid to take on that mantle again. But apparently he did well. Very well. Better than I did?

"But I'm glad you're back now."

I didn't even notice I left my head hanging but when Mikey says that sentence it shoots right back up. Mikey is still smiling, his sweet little brother smile, not a doctor Prankenstein smirk. His eyes are beaming but the glint in them tells me how seriously he really is. He means it.

"How so?" I ask him. I haven't spoken much about my role as leader with my two youngest brothers. Only fought about it with Raph. But Splinter once told me that as a leader I need to listen to my teammates. And now I'm actually doing just that, if kinda feels good.

"Well Raph is confused. He doesn't like being leader, you know that. He isn't like you either. Sure he did a good job here but if he would lead us into a fight the same as last time would happen, I'm sure. Raph cares about us, but he doesn't know how to handle the pressure. You do."

I laugh at that, a bitter sarcastic laugh, and Mikey picks it up. His smile drooping a little, concern edging across his features. It's strange how the room grows a few shades darker at the same time his mood tones down.

"Come on, Mikey. You know I mostly have no idea of what I'm doing. I'm just as clueless as the rest of you. Maybe even more at times."

My freckled brother stands up, rolling his shoulders a bit after shrugging. He casually waves my words away with his hand while his positive vibe fills the room again.

"You aren't, Leo. When we asked Raph what to do, he always answered that he didn't know. That we had to wait for you to wake up. That was his goal, he worked towards that. Now you're up and about again so his job is done. Really dude, we need you. I think even Raph agrees with me when I say that you're better than him."

Before he gets out of the room and closes the door behind him, I stop him one last time.

"Why? What makes me better?"

I feel like a little child, questioning the wonders of the world because it needs to know for it to make sense. Yet again I wonder how I got in this position and blame it on getting hurt and worrying my friends and brothers.

"A leader can't lead until he knows where he's going, Leo. And you know. You always know where to get us to."

I hum slightly in acknowledgement while Mikey wishes me a goodnight and leaves my bedroom. Maybe it isn't me who has changed. Maybe the reason why I feel so helpless and little is because my brothers have actually grown up these last couple of months. And I missed that. I'm proud of them though. And as long as they think I can bring them from point A to B, I will.

I get myself ready for bed when I see the plate lying carelessly on my desk. I chuckle. Mikey must've set it down again when we talked. I stand up and take it downstairs. After all, as a leader I'm used to cleaning up messes.

**Hmmmm…. Yeah sure. Not what I envisioned at all but I have no power whatsoever on how my mind works. I guess it's somewhere along the lines of Leo realising that he's best fit for the job, not because he's the strongest or the best fighter, but because he has determination, a will. He knows what the goal is and brings his brothers there. Or maybe not. I don't know. I like this one though. **

**Review anyways cuss they make me happy :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm updating this way too often and it's like, so bad for my broken fingers but hell to them, I love these drabble-thingies. They make my day look brighter and I finally have some way to rant about everything that occupies my mind and even put it into a story! Ain't that awesome? And there are even people reading and reviewing it O.O Dreams come true after all! **

**Okay enough of that, here's the next chapter. It involves Mikey (no really, what a surprise) and Leatherhead. It's kinda like in the episode **_**It came from the depths**_** just before Mikey's brothers come in and find out Mikey set Leatherhead free. **

**Enjoy!**

Trustworthy

"I do not think this is a wise decision, Michelangelo," the dark-green alligator said in all honesty, fear edging along the rims of his eyes. He kept himself calm though.

"Well, I think it is and you told me I'm the wise one here anyways," the little turtle happily chattered while loosening the chains around his new friend. The confidence which radiated from him encouraged the newly named Leatherhead some, but he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Michelangelo caught onto that.

"Don't worry about it. Just trust me, okay?" After a long pause he added: "I trust you."

While subconsciously rubbing at his wrists Leatherhead eyed the freckled turtle wearily, his face scrunched up in confusion and worry, doubtful in his ability to keep himself from hurting the boy that came to his rescue in the sewers.

"And what, may I ask, have I done to deserve your trust?"

He could see how it caught Michelangelo of guard, his shoulders tensing a little and his eyes narrowing in thought. Leatherhead had meant what he had said, about this child being wise. Not because of the turtle's intellect, but mostly because he understood people, or mutants, in a way the alligator himself couldn't comprehend. And that is what fascinated him but terrified him all the same. What if he betrayed the trust? What if he couldn't control himself? And most importantly, what if he tainted the innocent soul of this young turtle? He was too unpredictable, he knew he was, but the promises Michelangelo made sounded earnest and Leatherhead couldn't help himself but wanting to believe that he could, indeed, manage his anger.

"Like I said before, I think you're a good guy, LH. I know a lot of people have told you that you're not. Maybe you've heard it so many times you started believing it. But you can't let other people tell you what you are, dude. You have to decide that for yourself. And sometimes you need a helping hand in that, and I trust you enough for that to be mine."

Bright eyes beamed up to him. A few freckles rippled because of the grin that had split across the turtle's face. A child, merely a child. No, it wasn't possible. Not for a monster like him. He couldn't hurt him and wouldn't dare to even stay close to this somewhat gullible but honest being when he knows he doesn't have control of himself. He deserves no pity or understanding. He is contaminated, his mind taken over by something that is stronger than his voice of reason. It turned him into an animal.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You clearly don't know anything about me."

Michelangelo's smile never faltered while he truthfully said, "I know a lot about you, dude. We're one and the same."

It caught Leatherhead's attention when he said that and for a small moment it filled him with hope he quickly pushed away again.

"I don't think we have a lot in common, my friend."

He couldn't help but call the turtle his friend. It was the least he could do after everything the young one had done for him. The kindness deserved gratitude and the happiness that radiated from the youngster when he added those last two words were worth it.

"Of course we have. You're a mutant, I'm a mutant. We're both reptiles and we both like pizza. Or well, you like it in soup-form anyways. Hey, we're even both green!"

The nervous rubbing of his wrists grew even more frantic with that last sentence as the alligator regarded his green scales, them being so dark he almost looked black.

"I am much darker than you are, I think," Leatherhead answered, wincing at the double meaning that sentence had. It was the truth, however, and he had to face that if he didn't want to hurt himself or others.

"You think?"

With quick strides the exuberant ninja turtle stood before his friend, taking his much larger hand into his own and turning it around, patting the light green skin on the alligator's palms before reaching forward yet again, touching Leatherhead's chest.

"You're even lighter green here than I am," he muttered, unconsciously or deliberately going over the part where the heart should be. "Your skin is very soft here too. No hard scales as on your back and arms."

And with those words, the larger mutant of the two felt his guard dropping. A smile, one he had never known he would be capable of with his over-sized beak, edged along the corners of his mouth. Yes, this child was wise indeed.

"Thank you, Michelangelo."

The young turtle looked up at him in confusion and for a moment, Leatherhead was sure his friend hadn't known the impact of what he had just told him. Maybe that was even true. And that made the alligator feel much more special because, if his friend can be say something like this with so much certainty, there must be a spark of truth deep into what he had been saying.

Michelangelo then announced the homecoming of his elder brothers and while Leatherhead picked up the pot of still hot soup, the smile on his face finally became as wide as his new friend's can be, musing on how even a monster like him, can be formed trustworthy with the right amount of encouragement and faith.

And maybe he didn't know yet that he would make mistakes, or that he would hurt for years to repay those missteps. What he did know then is that he had made a friend for life. Someone he, also, could call trustworthy.

**Would it be possible for me to **_**not**_** write something mushy every time? I guess not. All the stories I've written so far for this drabble box, which are only three but whatever, are based on quotes I hear here and there and then I reform them and this sappy one-shots happen with way too many feels. On the other hand none of you have complained so far so I guess you like it. And maybe I shouldn't give you reasons to **_**not **_**like it and I guess I should just shut up now. **

**Just read and review and see ya laters guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey you guys, glad everyone's liking the drabbles so far. According to the paper slits I drew from my jar this was supposed to be a Mikey and Leo one-shot but a guest-reader asked for a bit of Donnie and Mikey and as the poor guy hardly made an appearance in the others I was like, yeah girl, we're gonna do Donnie and Mikey instead. So yeah, hope you enjoy and all. Again inspired by a quote, long live my addiction to tv-series ;)**

Late-night psychology

The first time he had one I was just as terrified as I am now. He has had them for over three weeks now and we're all getting sick with worry over him. He hardly sleeps and when he does the nights are like this, leaving him more tired and confused than when he got to bed.

The first time we thought it was another nightmare. They are not uncommon in the family, secretly we all know that. But we don't like to talk about it. When we were younger we all had our fair share, dreaming about the terrible scientist-monsters living above our home who would come down and tear or small make-shift family apart. Things were much easier then though. When afraid your brothers would hear your screams and see your tears. With a hug, a promise of protection, and a warm body next to you for the rest of the night we could all overcome those childhood fears. However, with age comes bravery and also shame. When we turned twelve we didn't want our brothers to know about what frightens us, makes us weak, so we, as Raph phrases it, suck it up.

And we could, we are perfectly capable to cope. We've been going without terrible nightmares for years, even with the dangerous lives we lead, feeling safe and sound as long as we are in the lair, knowing danger only lives topside. Often we're so tired that when we finally get to bed, we don't even have the energy for a rough night anyways.

But then this happened. The humans have been free from the Kraang for a couple of months now and life is relatively easy. As easy as it can be for four teenaged mutated terrapins that is. The point is, there shouldn't be any reason for Mikey to be screaming his head off every single night for the last three weeks. We're safe, back in New York, back in the game and we've been winning every single fight lately, Casey and April improving a great deal and thus doing patrols is much easier. Why does my baby brother break down now?

His attacks are different from normal nightmares. His hands will always be strapped against his body, like they are bound with a rope only he can feel. His complete body is rigid and his muscles always seem to be strained. He shakes too and sometimes that becomes so violent we have to hold him down. Like now. Raph has his arms in a firm grip and Leo has his legs. I hold his head in place and wince when another scream ripples from his throat. His eyes fly open for a moment, foggy blue orbs twitching slightly, unseeingly staring up to me. Then they close again. Next to the shaking this scares me the most and helped me to diagnose my young, innocent brother. _Pavor nocturnus_ or night terrors, a sleeping disorder.

Mikey has showcased all the different symptoms that go with the disorder, even sleep-walking, a physical response from the patient to try and run from their fears. Further he can't remember anything when he wakes up and he doesn't react to our touches when we try to comfort him during his episodes, unlike with the regular nightmares we used to have.

All of the sudden the shaking picks up again and his breathing gets heavier, his brow sweaty. I notice Raph rubbing Mikey's arms slightly while holding him, as if he needs to chase away a chill. I give an annoyed growl, feeling rather useless to help my brother except for keeping him from getting hurt physically. All we can do is wait for him to wake up.

Lucky for us, it doesn't take that long to actually do so. His eyes open blearily and I feel a surge of relief shudder through me and relax my tensed-up muscles. They are looking at me, not through me like when he has an episode.

"Hey," he mumbles hazily, confusion edged on his face but at the same time there is relief. Probably because all three of his older brothers are around him, grounding him with our warm hands.

"Did I do it again?"

Leo nods while I wrap my brother up in a hug. He is still trembling from the aftermath, his body physically knowing it had been afraid of something but his mind not remembering what it was. It always takes him a while to relax and know that he is safe and here with us. Raph keeps rubbing his arms, noticing how it gives Mikey a comforting touch to focus on instead of his ragged breathing and hammering heart.

After a while he is calmed down enough to apologise awkwardly and urge us to go back to back to our beds. In the beginning we would all stay with him, distracting ourselves with the tv to keep the darkness at bay. But these nights are getting more and more frequent and although Mikey is the victim of insomnia, the rest of us are also feeling the effects of a disrupted sleeping pattern.

"No, Mikey," I tell him firmly and both Leo and Raph look up at me, surprised. "We have to solve this. Night terrors aren't just nightmares, it's a disorder, an illness if you will. We need to cure you soon or the symptoms will affect you physically as well and you'll even get worse."

Actually we are already a little late for that. His skin is pale and he has lost weight even though his eating patterns have remained regular. It shows me how exhausted his body really is. But I don't say it out loud, not wanting to worry my brothers even more.

"I know that, guys, but I can't remember what I dream about, I swear. I'm not trying to make stuff difficult or something, I _want_ to sleep. I just don't know how. At least, without turning into a turtle-earthquake, the way you talk about it."

None of us laugh at that which causes Mikey's just-returned positive attitude to deflate a little. I want him to take this serious for once, to stop being the jokester and to be honest with himself for once.

Mikey sits up, leaving the safety of my arms to face us all. Hugs have always been rare in our family but lately Mikey's been seen more inside one of our arms than out. None of us care how clingy he's got lately, happily offering him our hands and words of comfort but he never makes use of this privilege for long. We like to baby Mikey, but he is also growing up.

"Can't ya give him any meds, Don? If he's sick then there are meds for it, right?"

I direct my gaze to my older brother and shake my head slowly. Well, there is diazepam for extreme cases of night terrors and I'm pretty sure Mikey qualifies as an extreme case, but that would mean we will have to steal from a pharmacy and as far as I know, none of us feel up to doing something as drastic. At least, not yet.

"Night terrors are a mental illness which often occur with people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or something along those lines. They are a psychological response to a traumatic event and I guess there are plenty we can come up with in your case," I say, looking pointedly at Mikey. "So tell me, what is it that scares you so much?"

He gives me a nervous look and refuses to make eye-contact with any of us. Leo nudges him softly to urge him to say something but it doesn't even seem Mikey notices. He fumbles with his fingers, tracing figures on the bedsheets and making small humming sounds like he is actually thinking about my question. Eventually he shrugs.

"I guess it isn't the pizza-murdering-squirrels-living-in-the-sewers-story which Raph was teasing me with the other day," he mumbles, forcing the fake smile back on his face, a little giggle accompanying it. I can see Raph ready to slap him, calling him a "knucklehead" and Leo reprimanding him for his immature behaviour but I stop them with a look. I have the feeling that is exactly what Mikey is aiming for, to get away from the subject. I wait for him to lock eyes with me before I start talking.

"You know what, Mikey? I think you're joking because you're afraid of being serious. Being serious means that things matter and when something matters, you risk getting hurt. So that'd beg the question, what matters to you so much that it hurts?"

There are no fake smiles, quirky remarks or any other sounds coming from Mikey now. All I get is an unresponsive little brother and two gawking older ones, wide blue and green eyes scanning me over. The only one I worry about is Mikey though. He even stopped fidgeting and is now staring at his hands as if they could hold the answer he is looking for.

Eventually it is Leo who takes the reins. "Maybe Raph and I should leave. You got this, don't you Donnie?" He asks while dragging a rebellious Raphael by the arm.

I nod, smiling my thanks when the both exit the room, giving Mikey a little space to breathe. He doesn't look any more relieved or comfortable though. He used to tell me everything but apparently he draws a line here. It makes me wonder if this might have something to do with me, what else could make my normally exuberant and honest brother this locked-down. Even his eyes, which I can normally read like an open book, look blank and empty except for the misty moisture lacing over his irises.

Things go so fast after that. First there are the shivers, which turn into sniffles, which turn into sobs. He stops acknowledging my voice, blurting truth after truth of pent up troubles, frustration and hurt. I let him cry it out.

He tells me about how it all started during the invasion. When Leo was injured and our father was gone. How he dealt with Leonardo's depression and our father's feral behaviour. The vulnerability he had felt without his eldest brother's and sensei's protection because it was simply what he had always relied on. That he tried to be tough, to help his family out. The pressure that he felt was upon him when they freed the humans back in Dimension X. And that the only thing he can think about now is when his whole world will come crashing down around him again.

And here, with him in my arms sobbing his heart out, for the first time since long, I see a glimpse of my baby brother again. There were no ages, no roles a couple of months ago. Just a broken family which tried to piece themselves back together, demanding the strength of every member, even when they were not used to this kind of responsibility. We have always sheltered Mikey from dangers and hurt, keeping him guarded because it gave us a purpose, something to protect with all our might and something to continue to fight for. And while doing that, we never prepared him for the sudden growing up he had to do when our clan fell apart.

He cries himself to sleep, exhaustion making a quick prey out of him. I try to keep him awake but know he won't gain consciousness once he is out. There is going to be another night terror tonight, I know there will be because of how upset he was when he went asleep. But at least now we have something to work with.

I stand up, tucking my kid brother back into his bed and leaving the lamp on his nightstand on. Maybe it'll provide my normally bright little bro some comfort. After that I open his door and face my older brothers who are trying to distract themselves with a late-night snack in the kitchen.

"How did it go? Did he open up?"

I nod, accepting the glass of milk Leo offers me, taking a sip from it before explaining.

"He's afraid of growing up, like every kid has sometimes."

Raph slams his own glass on the table, exhaustion already feeding the growing temper inside of him. "We had weeks of suckish sleep just because the kid don't wanna be part of the grown-ups?!"

Leo calms him slightly with a hand, putting a finger on his lips to signal Raph having to be quiet for Master Splinter and Mikey.

"It isn't that he doesn't want to, Raph," I tell him with a sharp voice. Silencing any other rebuts the hothead of our team wants to make. "He had to too fast. Master Splinter and Leo were out of commission, we lost our home and had to leave the city. Sure, we all went through that but at least you and I knew what it was like to have responsibility. He didn't, this was all new for him and immediately it meant that if he screwed up, he would screw up big time. No place for errors. And when we relied on him so much in Dimension X, it broke him up."

My older brothers remain quiet, Leo moving over to me and placing me in one of the chairs. I notice how my legs are shaking. It's what I like so much about my eldest brother, he takes care of all our needs, big or small. Especially for Mikey. I narrow my eyes.

"Guys, we gotta help him," Raph suddenly says, surprising both me and Leo. I nod, an idea slowly forming in my head.

"We need to take care of him for now but also give him space to do things by himself. We can't risk babying him anymore, it does him more harm than good. It isn't going to fix everything overnight. He needs a lot of help to overcome this first shock and we have to be there. He's scared our family will break up again so we also have to stay close together now, no risking injuries or something like that. Maybe lay low for a little while. If we don't he might get into depression, or catch something serious because of his weakened immune system. I need your help though."

A loud scream which makes Raph curse and Leo wince, tears through the lair. "And I need it now," I add wryly, getting back to my brothers room.

"Can't wait till the knucklehead can sleep again," Raph mutters after me, getting up as well. I grin at that because I know my older brother is just as concerned as I am.

"He will soon," Leo says, confidence without a fake note resounding in his voice. "If he could handle keeping our family together during everything we've been through, I'm sure he can piece himself together as well."

And we managed, it didn't even take Mikey that long. Apparently all he needed was some late-night psychology. Hmmm if the ninja thing doesn't work out a shrink would be a good second option.

**I hate this chapter! I hate it with all my heart but when it didn't want to work out the first few times I got annoyed and demanded from myself that I would post it and that it would somehow become good. So this is all what I could make from it and it took me a whole damn weekend to fix it. So you better appreciate it or else…**

**Anyways, ignore the not that good plot and pay extra attention to my characterization of Donnie, I think that's kinda what I nailed in the end ;) I like him this way, being the good little psychologist he is :p**

**So yeah, just like I said with MMS, my friend is the one who types this all out so it might take a little longer for me to update everything. Excuse me for that, I'm in pain lol.**

**See ya! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, here's the new chapter. My lovely friend who still offers to type for me would stop her generous work if I didn't write this story. So yeah, didn't have much choice -.- Anyways, she's kinda right, this is a nice one-shot idea and I haven't written one with Raphael in it yet so yeah. Hope you like it! Again based on a quote, you gotta love them ;)**

**And very important before you read, I have not yet seen the newest episode, which this story is kinda based on. Anyways, I have no I idea how it turned out and thus this one-shot is not in line with what happened during that episode, like at all. **

Big brother's job

Leonardo had a particular bad day today. His morning training session was far from perfect and because his alarm was broken he hadn't even had time to eat breakfast before training. The rest of the day the television had been hogged by Michelangelo, the dojo by Raphael and Donatello had been in Leo's room fixing his alarm. That left Leo immensely bored and thus he had went into the sewer to skate around a little, like Mikey had proposed. He came back with a broken board and a large bruise on his knee. And that was only the beginning.

Patrol was a complete disaster. The Shredder had been able to perfect his mind-controlling serum before Donatello could find further information on it. He had ambushed the turtles as well as the Mighty Mutanimals. Raphael, Dr. Rockwell and Slash had been hit and were unable to tell friend from foe soon after, attacking the others. They managed to cure them with the help of Donatello and Dr. Kurtzman but that was only after Mikey had been thrown of a three-story-building by his mind-controlled brother.

The Mighty Mutanimals promised to take care of Slash, who was very confused and quite beaten up. Slash had been vicious and even though he was their friend, Leatherhead had to hurt him to safe him. The Mutanimals had left the turtles when they trudged home and headed for their own lair. Raph had insisted on carrying his youngest brother home and while they walked, his conscious brothers filled in the gaps of what had happened. When Donnie locked himself into his lab to access Mikey's injuries and treat him, Leo and Raph went to their Master Splinter, explaining what had happened as the rat-father was highly concerned when his second-eldest had not returned home earlier that night.

After the conversation Leo had turned his back for a mere couple of minutes to check upon his two youngest brothers. When he came back out of the lab, Raphael was gone.

So yes, Leonardo had a bad day today. And the worst thing was, it was almost sunrise and still he had not found his immediate younger brother. He wasn't answered on his T-phone and neither April nor Casey had seen the violent turtle anywhere.

"What are you doing here, Leo?"

The voice came so unexpected that Leo almost tripped over his own two feet. Raph was seated on the edge of the skyscraper they were on, giving his older brother a questioning look from the other side of it. Silently Leo cursed, something the eldest didn't often do, because of his lack of concentration. If Raph hadn't spoken up he wouldn't even have seen him.

"Getting you, of course. Raph we almost lost you today, do you seriously think tonight is the best time to sneak out?!"

Leo didn't know why it was always Raph who caused him to shout. Mikey often asked for every ounce of self-control the young leader had within him but mostly he could keep himself calm when it came to the youngest. And when he did lose his cool it was out of annoyance and exasperation, never anger. With Raphael it was different. It didn't even seem to take that much effort to get Leo yelling at the temperamental turtle. And Leo would always be furious with him when it came to that.

But when Raph hardly even acknowledged him this time, Leo got concerned. Why was his brother not screaming back, claiming that he was a big turtle and could take care of himself, that Lame-o-nardo had a stick up his butt, that Fearless shouldn't be acting like he was his dad. Something, anything, but it didn't come. Instead Raph turned around again and watched over the city-lights.

"Are you alright?"

Leonardo's question was met with deaf ears. It was quiet on the roof and the calm footsteps of Leo almost seemed to be an intrusion of this stillness. This wasn't okay, Leonardo knew that much. It seemed like Raph wanted to be yelled at, to be reprimanded for what he did wrong. But if he knew that he was at fault, that he worried his brothers tonight by going out, then why was he here anyways?

"Did I do that to you?"

Raphael's voice was small and there was a loss of its natural bite and gruffness. It made Leo worry all the more, not for the safety of his brother, but for his sanity and mental well-being. The dark-green finger was pointed at Leo's knee, the large bruise which was covering it to be precise. And suddenly Leonardo understood what was bothering his younger brother so. That the guilt Raphael carried on his shoulders wasn't because of running away or making his family worry about him. It was guilt over what he couldn't even help because it wasn't Raphael himself who was in control at that time. And that Raph thought that his older brother shouting at him now, and that him being out here alone, was exactly what he deserved.

"No you didn't. I fell off my board. It was an accident."

There was a shrug and a grunt but nothing more. No taunts of Leo the perfect student being clumsy, no laughing at all. Only his shoulders seemed to be a little less tense now Raphael knows that at least he hadn't hurt another brother when his mind was taken over.

Leo knew he should've noticed sooner Raph was bothered with what had happened that day. Of course he was bothered, he was made to hurt his family and friends, the ones he really cared about. And he succeeded.

Leo sighed and went to sit next to his brother, knowing he needed a talk.

"Just like everything that has happened tonight was an accident. It wasn't your fault, you know that right?"

That brought some of Raph's fire back slightly as he whirled his head around to look at his brother, no anger burning in his eyes, just regret, pain and guilt.

"It _was_ my fault. I threw my little brother of a friggin' building, I hurt you guys and who knows how many others. Probably laughed at all that for god's sake!"

Leo's eyes widened a little at the sudden attack. He knew though, that this was only a small portion of all the emotions that were piled up behind Raph's eyes. Their red-banded brother was never good at expressing them so whenever he needed a release, it would always be in the form of anger. Anger Leo knew better than to take personal.

The words Raphael spoke also caught Leonardo of guard. Raph is very temperamental and emotional, they all know that. However, it worries Raph more than the others think it does. Whenever he hurt one of his brothers during a stupid fight over nothing he had been stricken with guilt, hating himself for the anger he couldn't control. And what happened that night when he threw Mikey off the building, Raph could only hope he didn't take any pleasure in doing that, that there was absolutely no intention coming from him when it happened. Because if he ever found out there was, he would be dying from the inside out.

"You didn't laugh, Raph, you're making that up. During everything you did when controlled you never showed emotion. You didn't even speak. You looked like a robot, you know. Shredder's puppet. And we _knew_ that, we still _know_ that it wasn't you. It could never be you. And when Mikey wakes up he won't blame you either."

Raphael doesn't say anything in return, turning his gaze back to the beautiful sunrise in front of them. It's still extremely dark outside but the pink and orange at the horizon is slowly coming closer, the light blue sky gaining in on the blackness that covered the night.

"How's the knucklehead doing?"

Leo shrugged a little, making sure his shoulder touched Raph's. The hothead isn't one of many words but one of actions, either small or big. That's how a pounding between him and Mikey may seem like a murder taking place, but is actually Raph's way of showing affection towards them. It has always been that way.

"He was alright when I checked up on him. His shell protected him from the worst, a human would've been killed for sure. Donnie is worried though, because his shell already has been knocked loose once, he doesn't know how much more damage it can take. Further his left arm is badly broken because he tried to slow his fall. That probably saved him too. According to Donnie he'll be bouncing around in no time though."

Raph cringed slightly at the injuries but nodded nevertheless, a small smile gracing his lips when Leo added the last sentence. They all know how much he cares about Mikey and his guilt on that front can only be dealt with by Michelangelo himself. However, Leo didn't doubt for a minute that his youngest brother would fix it.

"Hey Leo, can I ask you something?"

The mentioned turtle nodded without missing a beat, glad his violent brother has chosen to open up on his own accord. They've never really done something like this before but it was obvious Raph needed some reassurance at that time. Leo wondered why he didn't get it with sensei though. Raph often does that. He used to talk to Spike but obviously his pet turtle isn't an option anymore. After he lost his best friend he often went to sensei for help when he needed it. Not that he does that often. And they just had a good conversation with their father so Leo had thought everything was okay now. But sitting there and talking with his brother, that also filled the eldest with pride. Actually, Leo was just glad they could talk to one another without smacking each other's brains out.

"You think sensei's disappointed?"

Leo's mouth dropped open out of genuine surprise. Never had he thought Raph would be troubled by this. To be afraid of his father's rejection. Actually, it was one of the very few aspects in their life that Raphael and Leonardo had in common, and Leo had never noticed how much Raph relied on the approval of the people he cares about before. Mikey had mentioned it to them before, that they couldn't get along because they were so much alike. Leonardo didn't believe him, that is, until now. He understood how his brother must have felt because it was something that followed Leo his entire life. The fear of falling your family, the ones you care about so dearly. And by hurting them, Raphael saw himself as a failure.

"I mean, I know Mikey isn't mad at me. He's never mad at anyone. But sensei… I kinda hurt his son, you know. And he's our teacher and taught us god knows how long on meditation and clearing your mind and stuff. And I let mine being controlled so easily."

Leo watched his brother for a while, thinking over the words, which he knew none of them were true, and wondered what was the best way to respond. He wanted to help his brother but also knew Raph's faith was broken. The hotheaded turtle cared a great deal about his brothers and has always seen himself as the protector of them. Never had he ever hurt one of them this badly and although he was right that Mikey would never hold it against him, he was afraid his father and sensei was disappointed in him.

"You know what Raph? I think he would be. Very. Because I am too."

The broken face of his immediate younger brother seemed to be falling to pieces right before Leo's eyes. He let it be for a few seconds longer, letting the pain course through Raphael's body before opening his mouth again. This was a lesson his brother needed to learn the hard way but Leo never like seeing his brother this hurt. It was necessary for Raph to be scared but that didn't mean it had to take long. However, Leo knew that it was the only way he would ever get through to his hard-headed brother.

"How could you _ever_ think that our _father_ would be disappointed in his son when what he did was something he couldn't control?" Leo continued with vigour. "Yes Raphael, he and I are extremely disappointed that you have so little faith in him that you would even consider that."

Raph's gaze met the dark blue eyes of his eldest brother again, disbelief clearly readable on his face. But also relief. And Leo knew that the scare he brought upon his brother was needed to get through to him. Because what he had said was the truth and apparently after everything that had happened lately, Raph having to take over the team when both Leo and Master Splinter where out of commission, Raph needed the reassurance that some things never changed. This was one of them.

"Sorry Leo."

There was no regret in his voice at all, only gratitude and Leo could hear it. He smiled, patting his brother's shoulder in a rare moment of affection between the two.

"Just don't forget that you're his son too. And that it was Shredder who hurt Mikey and you _both_ and that I'm pretty sure that not even Master Splinter could've fought against that serum."

Leo didn't know if the last thing he said was even true but at that moment it didn't matter to either one of them. Raphael was comforted by what his older brother had said, he needed the confirmation that none of his family would ever stray from his side, not even when he did something like that.

The sky before them had lightened up more and more. A dark red at the end of the horizon surrounded by a lighter orange and yellow. Purple and light blue tinted the dark night sky and the two brothers knew it wouldn't take long for people to wake up and rush onto the streets again.

"Let's go see if Mikey's awake," Leo said while they watched the sunrise for a bit longer. It was indeed beautiful to see, a spectacle they hadn't been able to admire ever since they left the farmhouse.

When they raced home Leo noticed how Raphael's steps seemed to be a little lighter than before, a burden taken from his shoulders. It brought a smile to the normally stoic leader's face as well, and maybe a little bit of that doubt that was always present within him disappeared with it. Because it took a lot out of him, but Leo was pretty damn proud of the job, as leader and big brother, that he had taken on.

**So some of you (Athese no doubt) will be like 0.o because I've been complaining so much about the DarkRaph episode. And I still stay with that, I don't like Leo and Raph fighting **_**again.**_** I want Raph and Mikey fighting, testing their bond so we can have some sweet brofluff between them, like many of you have already written (I especially like Gwydion's story). But that doesn't mean I don't like Leo. In my opinion Leo's role is extremely mistreated during the episodes and that's what I'm trying to set right here again. Leo's the big bro right, so why is he **_**never**_** there to talk to his brothers, do this big bro/leader stuff he's supposed to do and fix his brothers for the better and help them with their problems. I mean, so many chances of bonding and character development and **_**never**_** did they actually do that. So yeah, this would be a scene of my perfect DarkRaph episode. And then of course have Raph and Mikey fluff after this and also before when Mikey falls. Hmmm maybe write the next fic on that? I'll see but anyways, love it, hate it? Give me review! Now I'm gonna quickly watch the new episode, see ya!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I know you guys have all been waiting for a sort of continuation on the last drabble, with some Raph/Mikey fluff and all. The bad news is that I lost it. Seriously I have no clue as to where it is, there is a file with the title of the fic but there just ain't a story in it. And sure, I sound pretty calm now but actually I AM FREAKING THE HELL OUT! I've been trying to get it back for weeks and I recovered only two paragraphs so far. So give me some more time because there's no way I can rewrite it, it was perfect **

**Anyways, here's another fic, something I came up with because of my addiction to the Dan Brown novels and all… Plus Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code being shown on tv a couple of days ago ^^ So DO NOT READ if you plan on watching the film or reading the book any time soon!**

**By the way, I do not own any of Dan Brown's works, the movies or the information I looked up on the internet (no idea if you need to disclaim for that but better safe than sorry ^^) The disclaimer on the turtles is pretty obvious I think, I write fanfiction after all.**

**Enjoy!**

They're just names

There are times that my youngest brother Michelangelo truly amazes me, meant both positively and negatively. Other times he incredibly annoys me but that effect he seems to have on everyone every once in a while. Still there are these moments, subtle and insignificant mostly, which leave me speechless. And the strange thing is, at those times he doesn't even seem to notice the impact he has on people.

Take last week, for example. We were watching the TV for a little bit and Mikey was practically bouncing when the ending of my favourite show neared. I asked him what he wanted to see next and without a word he grabbed the remote, changing the channel.

I had never seen the movie _The Da Vinci Code_ before but I had to admit, it was really good. The way my brother was shouting out at everything that happened, smirking devilishly when a plot twist came around, told me he probably had seen this film before. It surprised me a little because this isn't a genre he is usually into, especially because the plot is slow and well thought-through and the historical references are difficult to understand sometimes.

"Hey Leo," he suddenly said. I was too engrossed in the image before me, a beautiful wooden box with a flower engraved in it. When it was opened there was a puzzle inside, another key to find out where Maria Magdalene was buried. Because I was more into the movie than I had anticipated, the sudden call of my name had me jump a little.

"Uh.. yeah?"

It isn't strange for Mike to talk through an entire movie non-stop but usually he understands that we actually try to watch it so he never strikes up a conversation with any of us.

"Do you think you're like the Leonardo in _The Da Vinci Code_? I mean, I think you are. Only you would have the patience to make all the pieces of the puzzle fit in, or even be smart enough to hide all the clues in these kind of ways. Although you aren't a mechanic like Donnie is and the real you wouldn't even be able to paint a stick-figure. But you'd totally come with the ideas."

He giggled to himself, oblivious to the stare I directed his way. I'd lost the battle to understand the maze that is Michelangelo's mind long ago, yet this was something new. He had never mentioned or namesakes before, the famous artists we have been named after. It was rather interesting if nothing else.

"Do you think I'm like Leonardo Da Vinci?"

He shook his head, apparently laughing at the ridiculousness of my question. I frowned a little because it did sound like he meant it that way when he asked me.

"No, not the real one at least. But this one, the one from the movie. You seem a little like that. I can picture you taking years to plan this whole thing out, making sure every detail is right and that everything is where it's supposed to be. You're that kind of a tacticioner."

"Tactician," I muttered under my breath but for once I was not interested in correcting my baby brother. We all know there's more behind Mikey than he often lets on. He's smart, he understands things none of us really do. His brain is wired in a way that we often don't get but also can't live without. Mostly he shows it when one of us is hurt emotionally or when he is troubled himself. This doesn't sound like either, I know I'm alright and whenever Mikey is facing difficulty, he would be more clear and serious. He is very open-minded and doesn't keep his secrets from us. Or that's what I thought.

"This is all fake though," he continued. "Donnie told me that when I read the books. He said the writer is a genius and that he did all kinds of research but that the story behind it is still fictional."

I wanted to ask him how he had Don involved in his what almost sounds like an obsession, but something else caught my attention.

"You've read the books? What books?"

I had never seen Mikey reading any novels for fun. He has read the ones we had to because Master Splinter said they were important for a healthy understanding of the world around us. Mike had read them without too much complaining but never had he traded his colourful and imaginative comics for a story like this.

"Oh, April is a huge fan of them. She had bought all the books and started reading them around the lair sometimes. She was trying to figure out one of the codes and I helped her. Didn't understand it one bit of course but I wanted to know the answer anyways, after all the time we had spent puzzling. April said I had to read it for myself if I wanted to know so I did. She told me there were more novels with the same main character so at some point I've read all four of them. I liked them a lot, I still do. Especially _Inferno_."

Slightly pinkish and red streaks traveled from the curve in his lips up towards his cheekbones. Mikey hardly shows he is embarrassed by what he is doing so the blush surprised me a little. It was sweet to see him that way, so much more thoughtful than he normally acts. It made him look years younger than he actually is.

"You do, huh?" I said with a slight smile. "And why would that be?"

Sometimes it's a little funny to see Mikey squirm. He always talks himself out of everything that is thrown his way so to see him like this is somewhat entertaining. It isn't often I play around with my brothers, that's something only Mikey and Raph still do because Mikey is still such a kid and Raph doesn't really have self-control.

"Because… well some of Michelangelo's works are in there," he muttered so quietly the ruckus in the background of the movie almost made it impossible for me to hear him.

"Have you ever like… wondered why Master Splinter called us after Renaissance artists?"

I shook my head no, turning my body sideways on the couch so I could keep my eyes fixated on my younger brother. He didn't look that comfortable anymore and I worried that maybe something was eating at him after all.

It's a little out of character for him to be bothered by these kind of things, they seemed rather trivial at that time. Mikey is a goofball, a one-of-a-kind turtle. Whenever he is upset, he worries about others or has had nightmares about him losing his family. He has a gentle and somewhat innocent soul but isn't much of a thinker.

"Did you?" I asked him when I noticed he wasn't going to explain himself further.

"I hadn't really either until I started reading the books and I got to know them a little better. They were cool people, bro, they did some amazing things. I looked up some pictures and they're really ugly and look older than Dumbledore. But still they were so against the rules of that time and they did what they wanted. They didn't care other people hated them for that, they did what felt right to them."

I smiled. Leave it to Michelangelo to not be amazed by the artists' works like the rest of the world does, but to be admiring their bravery to step out of society.

"What else have you found out about them?" I asked in genuine interest. His eyes lit up slightly and I could see a slimmer of proudness travel through those light blue orbs. Mikey always comes to me for advise, needs Donnie to fix either his technology or his heart and uses Raphael as someone to play around with as well as a shield to protect him when he is afraid. To be the one to offer information for once probably makes him feel proud.

"The real Leonardo," he starts excitedly. "Was a bit of a loner and invented a lot of stuff and was really smart. Only he never told others about it and kept it all to himself. That isn't like you, bro, you would never isolate yourself like that. Well, sometimes you do go all lone-ranger on us but I get that. You want to protect us 'cause you're the leader and you think it's your job. That's really honourable, like Sensei taught us. You aren't a brooding, woe-is-me, I'm-gonna-end-up-dead-and-alone-anyways hermit, like him. He kept all those inventions for himself because he thought others wouldn't care. I bet if you were really him, you would've used them to help others."

And there it was again. That shining light in his eyes, the way he looked up to all of us more times than I can count because he respects us and admires us in a way only little brothers can. And at that moment, I suddenly didn't care about any other opinion in the world than his, because it matters to me _so much_.

But I didn't tell him that. Maybe because I wanted to hear it more often still. He used to look at me like that almost every day when we were younger. Now he has grown up and became more confident of himself. These moments between us, with me being the big brother and him the younger one, I treasure them. Donnie has surpassed me easily in knowledge and Raph has always been too cocky and proud to ever look at me in the way Mikey does. I only have Mikey for this and I know it is something I need.

"What about Michelangelo," I asked him next, curious what Mike had to say about himself.

"He wasn't that special when he was young," Mikey started tentatively. He didn't seem as comfortable with this as with talking about Leonardo Da Vinci. "He did have a mouth-full of a name though. And I always thought only Michelangelo was way too long."

He snickered a little and I offered him a gentle smile.

"He was gay, you know. And he wasn't allowed to. So he was just as much as a loner as Leonardo was, being on his own most of the time. Some say he was also modest even when he had huge amounts of money. So yeah, hehe, not like me at all, right bro?"

He gave me one of those huge Mikey-grins. He was right, obviously. My youngest brother doesn't know anything about modesty, he is too loud for that. Also he too open about his emotions. Happiness, pride, sadness, it's all radiating from his body, crashing into you like waves.

"But his work is amazing," Mike said next. "He was so important and got asked to make sculptures and paintings. Did you know he painted a whole ceiling? And everything is so detailed, every streak, every colour, it's all in the right place."

He had a wistful expression on his face and I knew where it came from. Mikey draws a little, sometimes he paints too. He likes it and it's practically the only activity he does that doesn't involve trashing the lair or having someone yelling at him to keep it down. He is pretty good at it too although it's obvious he still needs to practice a lot. But he does get better.

"Leo? Do you think Splinter named us after them because he hoped we would become artists too?"

If it were possible my eyes would have bulged at that moment. Michelangelo wore a honest expression though, an innocence only found in young children when they didn't understand the wonders of the world yet. I hadn't realised how much thought Mikey had actually put into the subject until then.

"He's been living in Japan of course," Mikey hastily started to explain himself. My silence at his question probably made him nervous. "And he taught us a lot of stuff from Japan too. So I thought maybe, because Japanese children always have to be good at multiple things, school, sports, music or art, I thought maybe he wanted us to do that too?"

Like I said, sometimes Mikey truly amazes me. And at that point I couldn't help it, I laughed. Silly Mikey.

"Come on Mike, as if father would ever ask more of you than you can handle, than any of us can handle. You've been over-thinking this way too much. They're just names."

My words worked on him like a mantra, soothing him the way I always soothed him. By showing him the truth. Sometimes there are these moments that Mike starts to doubt himself in a way I often do when the stress of leading the team becomes too much. It is strange for him to do so but it does happen. Mostly when something else is bothering him though. It's those moments he starts to see things that aren't there.

"Where did this come from, little brother?"

He shrugged, slumping back into the couch a little and showing me he wasn't completely reassured yet.

"Master Splinter has been a little gloomy lately. I thought if I drew something it would help but it didn't. He hardly looked at it. It got me thinking but I guess Raph is right. My brain isn't supposed to think or it'll crash and burn."

I mentally noted that I had to talk to Raphael once I had lifted my younger brother's spirit up the way it's supposed to be. As the youngest Mikey usually tries to live up to some of our expectations but I had never heard him this downtrodden over just a picture. He is right though, Master Splinter has been solemn the last couple of weeks but with good reason. It has been exactly twenty years ago that he lost his wife and daughter and he is having a hard time thinking about it. He has told me but didn't want to worry my brothers, well not by lack of trying anyways.

"Michelangelo, Leonardo."

The sudden call of our names had us both almost toppling down the couch. I could grab Mike's arm just in time before he would make a nose-dive. I look around and see our rat-master stepping into the living room. A warm smile adorns his face but the way his fur bristles tells me he is agitated by what Mikey just confessed.

"I am sorry to intrude but I could not help but listen to your conversation," he announced, taking the last few steps and placing a gentle hand on top of Mike's shoulder. "Michelangelo, you do know that I treasure everything you and your brothers give me, especially when it is hand-made. I am truly sorry I have not been as patient and understanding towards you as of late but please know your drawing is on the wall in my room, so I can always look at it and admire it."

Mikey's face lit up like the fourth of July then, his troubles blown away by a few simple words and the warm contact of our father's hand on his shoulder. But our master didn't stop there.

"As for your previous question, I didn't name you after painters and sculptors, I named you after _Renaissance_ artists. Not because of their profession but because I believe that the four of you will do things in your life which are as important as those four men did. You are destined to change the world for the good and to me you are remarkably special already. The world has changed because of the Renaissance, I believe it will change again thanks to my four exceptional sons and students."

With that our master continued his journey towards the kitchen, his smile slightly widening and his posture more relaxed when he heard the excited shout of his youngest son.

"I knew we were special!" he shouted, all his previous doubts forgotten like snow melting at the first day of spring. "I mean we're ninja _turtles_. I bet our namesakes couldn't even do ninjutsu."

He gasped loudly in a comical way, his eyes wide and the enthusiasm he was born with edging back onto his face.

"I'm even better! I mean, I draw _and_ I'm a ninja!"

That was the end of our conversation because after he said that he ran off to probably annoy Raph with the newly discovered information. Because that is how Mikey is. He is adaptable like a chameleon and unpredictable like a… well a ninja turtle. When he shows me the bits and pieces of his soul without the cover-up of his usual bravado, I always feel privileged to see it. But at the same time I know Mikey wouldn't be Mikey if he wouldn't act like the care-free kid he is even when nearing his nineteenth birthday.

Now I'm sitting on the couch. The same movie is playing as Raph had recorded it so he could watch it later on. When Mikey and I had stricken up that conversation a week ago neither of us had seen the ending of the movie. So me and my four brothers are watching it again now.

Well, Raph, Donnie and I are watching, Mikey is drawing which he has been doing a lot lately. At first it looked like he was doodling but the little drawn figures suddenly formed into a complete picture. One of New York. Us, Master Splinter, Leatherhead, April, Casey and all the other friends we have met so far are messing around in the streets at broad daylight. There are cars on the streets, the shops are open and we're walking in between masses of humans. It makes me a little sad to see because I know we will never be able to do something like it. On the other hand, it is typically Mikey and I can appreciate that.

One day the name Michelangelo might resurface as an artist, hopefully being as famous as the other man once was. Until know though, it's just Mikey, our little brother who doesn't have a care in the world and has still space to dream.

It's the Michelangelo I like to see.

**Wow uhm yeah… Don't know how it turned out to be so long, especially because it's basically all rambling. I actually planned on finishing the chapters for Poison of Vengeance and Make More Sound as well but this turned out three times the length I had thought it would. So sorry if you have to wait on those still, but they're gonna be good I promise. Probably I'll update them by Monday, it's my nieces birthday tomorrow.**

**Until then, review if you like :D**


	7. Chapter 7

Nature vs. Nurture

Big blue eyes looked up, squeezing shut tightly for a moment when a blinding sun hit them. A bright orange cap was quickly pulled over his head so the child wasn't bothered when he discovered the beauty that was all around him.

Tiny, bare feet were silenced by the grass which connected the young one to the Earth, leaving traces of dirt and sand between his toes. The child wasn't bothered by it, he kept on running until he was out of breath.

He knew how far he was allowed to go and never went further than that. His older brother used to cross the borders, back when they were both a little younger. He fell into the pond then and caught a nasty illness which took him a week to overcome.

The young one didn't want that to happen to him too and kept a safe distance between him and the water. Yet he was fascinated by it and stared at a large neon-green frog which kept his eyes warily on the intruder of his peace.

A tiny giggle escaped the child when the frog lazily jumped away, almost looking annoyed that he had to move. It didn't matter to the child because his attention was quickly diverted elsewhere, mainly the duck with the little ducklings behind her. She quacked expectantly and the child immediately understood. He was given lunch but refused to eat the dry and stale crusts of his sandwiches. He grabbed the small plastic bag in which he had stored the crusts and ripped them into small pieces, feeding the ducklings and their mother with a smile on his face.

The many different animals in the pond couldn't hold the youngster's limited attention for long and within minutes he was up and running again. It was a particular hot day and the child decided it would be better to stay close to the trees were he could enjoy the shade and escape the harsh sun which, despite his cap, still managed to bother his eyes.

Of course, as the hyperactive seven-year-old he is, the child couldn't stay still when he finally reached the shade. Calloused little hands reached up for one of the lower branches on the eldest tree of the park. It was low and strong enough for the young one to easily climb it without hurting himself, like a jungle gym made by nature. He didn't go too high. Again it was an older brother who had tried that before him and fell because the branches couldn't sustain the weight anymore. The scar still stands ugly against his brother's shin and when thinking of the great amount of blood that followed the accident, the child couldn't help but shiver. He didn't like to see his brothers hurt.

But before he could think of that memory any longer and maybe start crying, a completely black bird caught his attention. A black bird was its name, he remembered. It was easy because the creature was already black as the night.

The bird didn't show any interest in the little boy in front of him and quickly made his way down where it probably had set its eye on a juicy meal. From humans or nature, the child could only wonder. At his age he knew the difference between human-made objects and the ones nature provided on its own but he couldn't comprehend the importance of nature itself yet. All he knew was that when he needed, older ones could provide. He could live his carefree existence, unknown to the harsh reality humans and nature could also create. He never had to look back.

"Mommy look! It's a butterfly!"

The mother is standing at the bottom of the tree and smiles gently at her energetic little boy, her youngest son. Generations of her family have played in this park and never does it stop to warm her heart when she sees another little one discover its wonders.

"Put your shoes back on, Honey. We're going home."

With a high-pitched whine the child obliged, climbing down carefully and chasing after the butterfly for a little while longer. When his mother started to lose patience, did he trudge downtrodden towards his sandals., which were carelessly thrown off when they bothered him because of the hot weather.

The little boy solemnly swore that he would return to the park, just because he loved it so much.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

Underneath a cover of a manhole was another pair of blue eyes, watching without being noticed. The manhole was situated at the corner of the park, just outside the parking lot. The spot was mostly surrounded by brick walls of buildings but one side was faced towards the park. It was half way covered with bushes but the figure peeping through them knew how to situate the branches in a certain way that he could watch whatever was happening in the small park.

The youngster was startled when a blond-haired boy with an orange cap threw his shoes off close to the bushes but the child didn't seem to notice him. The boy interested him though, so he kept a close eye on him when the child discovered the park. It calmed the young mutant down somewhat, to see this boy having so much fun. It also clenched his heart with a jealousy he knew all too well, but that didn't stop him from following every movement the young one made.

The mutant swallowed thickly when he saw the boy getting closer to the pond, subconsciously worrying for if he would fall. This mutant wasn't just different-looking, he also had a lot things in common with normal people. One of them being that he had a family and younger brothers. He was the eldest of four and felt that responsibility every day, even for creatures that weren't even his own kind.

When the black bird flew away from the smiling boy, the green mutant could only watch the flying animal with envy and longing in his eyes. When could he finally spread his wings and leave this place? Because of his green skin and rather heavy shell he felt like he never could.

"Mommy look! It's a butterfly!"

The young mutant quickly perked up, trying to see the beautiful insect which he had always adored. Unfortunately for him, he was interrupted by another little boy.

"Leo look! It's a toad!"

The eldest looked around and walked over to a slightly smaller mutant with an orange bandanna. There was a fat toad sitting at his brother's feet, covered in sewage and ugly warts poking from its skin. The older turtle wrinkled his nose but hid it from his youngest brother. He couldn't ignore the bright smile of the little turtle, the happiness that glazed over his eyes when he found the animal, one of the very few opportunities the mutant children had to connect with nature.

The mutant family had to live in the sewers, a human innovation just like the rest of the city and maybe even the entire world. And because of the human domination instead of a natural environment everywhere, the mutant children grew up in the waste humans leave behind. So whenever they found a piece of the beautiful outside world that still existed, they were overjoyed. Something the eldest son understood, when he was only seven-years-old, was very wrong.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

Leonardo hated the place. He could not believe that they had to stay out here, in the middle of nowhere, while their father was fighting for his live back in their city. If his leg would hurry up and heal already, then he could actually be of use and save New York City before it fell for good.

The eldest Hamato sat down on the ground, angrily picking at the grass as it was all he could do at the moment. Raphael had forbidden him to take part in any of the training exercises except for meditating and it started to frustrate Leonardo.

He knew his attitude didn't go unnoticed by his brothers but he didn't really care anymore. He was done being the pillar they all could rely on. His injury, it was weakening him too much. How could he protect his family when he can't even protect himself? If he was the one everyone would fuss about and wanted to take care off, Leonardo would let them. There wasn't anything good about this whole situation, he had lost his spirit long ago.

"Leo look! It's a butterfly!"

The words Michelangelo spoke jarred a memory Leonardo thought he had forgotten long ago. The delicate, winged creature fluttered around in the morning sun, enjoying the warmth on its wings and the sweet nectar from the many poppies that grew in the fields around the farmhouse.

For a moment Leonardo smiled and reminded himself that maybe not everything was lost. Because now there was something else Leonardo knew he had to fight for. Not only his father, not only the people captured, but also the city itself.

And right there and then, Leonardo solemnly swore that he would return to the park, maybe take his brothers with him, just because he loved it so much.

**Okay yeah, there's tons of secret messages, hidden frustrations and god knows how many morals and whatnot in this story. You can ignore them if you want to. I think I've been watching way too many sappy movies on the plane, not to forget all those three-hour-ones in which there's so much thinking about the beauty and sense in life that you cannot help yourself but write something poetic and philosophic like this. **

**Oh well, maybe some of you liked it anyways. **

**See ya!**

**(And now I'm really going to Spain so again all my stories are on a hold until I'm back in a little over two weeks. Bye!)**


	8. Chapter 8

**For some reason I couldn't log onto my account on fanfiction so apologies for that. I hope you guys haven't missed my amazingness too much. Lucky for you, now you can enjoy my company again XD**

**This chapter is an alternate ending to the episode **_**Tale of the Yokai. **_**Because no matter how much I loved that episode, I have a habit of making everything way more dramatic than it needs to be. Enjoy!**

Selfish Sacrifices

"Guys, you see that?"

I skid to a halt and follow my youngest brother's finger with my gaze. At first I see nothing and get ready to jump, taking to higher level like Mikey is. But then I see it coming, just over the treetops. Black smoke is filling the air above the forest, burying the light of the stars and the moon in the process.

"Fire!" Michelangelo screams even though the rest of us already connected the dots as to what is happening. After our Yokai-scam we left a lot of burning fires behind, but that is deeper into the woods. These darkening clouds of smoke come from the opposite direction of where we left the Foot. It kind of looks like the fire is somewhere in town, or probably closer to… _the Hamato's dojo_.

The rest of the team seems to have come to the same conclusion because my brothers all start running as fast as they can, following me at break-neck speed even when the air becomes thicker and the heat grows so hot it becomes uncomfortable. And that says something for us reptiles.

When we come to the edge of the forest, the trees and briar get less dense. I slow down and crouch behind a couple of bushes. Like I suspected it is the dojo that is on fire. I sign for the guys to keep out of sight because we have no idea who we will be dealing with here. I'm sure Saki is around and Master Splin- er Hamato Yoshi, is probably inside as well. But a fire like this is likely to attract attention and it is possible the villagers will come soon to see what is going on. There could also be more Foot soldiers because if there is one thing I know for certain, it is that Saki never fights with honour.

However, there was one person who I hadn't expected to be there.

"Tang Shen!"

Again it is Mikey who sees what's happening first. He is still jumping from tree to tree like an oversized green monkey. Ever since our Spirit Quest my little brother has been at home in the forest. He enjoys the outdoors even more than he used to and actually complained once or twice about all the skyscrapers in New York, how they aren't as easy to climb and travel by as the trees near the farmhouse were.

Instead of slowing down, he and Raph jump over the bushes and run towards the bridge. I follow them immediately, forsaking stealth and keeping to the shadows all together. I sense how Donnie is close behind me and quicken my pace even more.

"Shen, wait!"

It doesn't matter, Raph's plead is met with deaf ears. She runs into the house the moment burning support beams come crashing down, barricading the front door. Raphael starts digging without hesitation, throwing the wood aside, some of it burning still. Just like Mikey, Raph's association with fire has changed as well. He has grown in sync with the fire, being able to come close to it, even touching it, without getting hurt too much or being bothered by the immense heat.

When Don and I reach our two brothers we try to help as much as we can. But it goes too slow. The house is burning brightly and falling apart around us. Screams ring through the air although they're faint. I think they're coming from inside. My brothers and I are even more anxious now and finally Raph manages to find us an opening to go in. The hallway running through the house is completely covered in flames. Some parts of the roof have already collapsed, for which I'm grateful. It makes it easier to breathe when the smoke has a way out.

We take off towards the dojo in the back of the house. I figure that room should be mostly in tact as the fire hasn't reached this deeply into the house yet.

"Leo, we have to hurry!" Donnie shouts over the roar of the fire. "If the house's support beams are failing it won't take long before the entire roof will come down."

I give him a nod to show him I understood, giving him a shout as well in case his eyes are burning as badly as mine.

When we're getting to a door I suppose leads to the dojo, the entire house starts shaking. I shove the door open and see more wood crashing down. Within the blink of an eye Yoshi and Shen disappear underneath the rubble. Saki is nowhere to be seen but as the backdoor is open I think he left the house already.

I yell at my brothers to start digging. Raph finds Yoshi rather quickly and I tell him to take our unconscious master out of the room before the roof decides to come down.

Raph is hardly out of my sight when I hear Mikey gasping loudly. I see him backing away slowly, his shell bumping against Don's. I reach my two youngest brothers and they take a couple of steps back, allowing me to see what they found. Tang Shen lies motionlessly on the floor, three large gashes bleeding across her chest, one cut on her neck looking so bad I fear one of her jugular blood vessels must have been hit.

Donnie moves forward attentively, holding the woman's wrist to check for a pulse. I ready myself for bad news, knowing that the blood loss combined with the damage the rubble caused probably killed her.

But when Don turns around, relief clearly readable across his face, his mouth twisting into a shy smile, I know that isn't the case. Before either of us can make a move though, Mikey speaks up, or more like yelling to make himself understandable over the sounds of the creaking house.

"But I thought she like, didn't make out!" he shouts, confusion edged on his face.

Donnie replies before I can. "Yeah but everything's different now! We're messing the whole time-line up here, remember?"

I know it's not the time to argue now. We don't have time for hesitation. But my brothers have a point, both of them. Shen hadn't survived the fire, she had died and wouldn't even have been found this injured if it wasn't for us. We've already done a lot of changing in this place, meeting Tang Shen, fighting the Foot as Yokai and helping Yoshi out of the house. It must have affected our own time in some way.

But helping Shen, that means Yoshi will still have his wife here in Japan. Or maybe they'll both go to New York but even then, will Yoshi- Master Splinter, still decide to buy four baby turtles if he has his wife to keep him company?

The house around us is creaking and groaning, barely baring its own weight with the weakened structure.

"Guys, we need to get out of here, the house is going to collapse!" I order. Don and Mikey automatically reach down, ready to grab Shen by her arms and dragging her out. At the same time burning pieces of wood keep raining down on us. The rugs on the floor and against the walls are starting to catch fire, informing me that the blaze has finally reached the back of the house.

In a split second decision I push my two younger brothers away, throwing myself against them and getting us all out of the way, closer to the door. When we scramble back up, logs crash down, a complete wall coming down with it and burying Tang Shen under even more wood and fire. _It is impossible she survived that_. I stubbornly fight the relief that comes with that traitorous thought.

When my brothers and I get outside safe and sound, we meet up with a maskless Raph.

"How is he doing?" I ask, my voice cracking slightly but I blame the smoke on that.

"He's okay," Raph shrugs. "I put him down close to the road so they'll see him when what-goes-for-a-fire-department-in-this-place comes along. I bandaged some of his wounds so he isn't bleeding anymore." He looks around, narrowing his eyes. "Where's Shen?"

Mikey and Donnie stare at me with big eyes and I know answering this question will be on me. And it's going to have to be the truth, my brothers need an explanation on why I left a defenceless and injured woman to fend for herself. To die by herself.

"I hesitated," I admit, turning away from the prying eyes. "I was worried that if we got her out, Splinter would never come to New York and we would never exist. I didn't mean for this to happen, I promise. But I hesitated."

Donnie comes closer, laying his hand on my shoulder in a way of comfort. Only if his hand wouldn't feel so cold against my hot skin.

"She was wounded badly, Leo," he says softly. "I don't think she would have made it out anyway."

"Yeah Leo, it was the Shredder who did all this," Raph chimes in.

_Then why doesn't it feel like he did!_ My mind screams at me. Sure, Shredder attacked Yoshi and because of that the house was set on fire. He injured both Yoshi and Shen and left them to die. But it doesn't feel right. We saved Master Splinter, we already intervened, why did I refuse to help Tang Shen out? Am I so selfish that I chose my own life over the happiness of my master, the father who raised me since I was an infant? And because of that I pushed Miwa into the arms of a psychopath only to be mutated into a mindless snake.

I walk away from my brothers, knowing they will follow me. We need to get away from this place. Soon other people will come and put the fire out. They will find Shen's body, they'll treat Yoshi and make sure he lives. _To make sure he lives_, echoes the bitter voice in my mind. _Living as a heartbroken, mutated rat who will never see the daylight again and will be hunted constantly by old enemies. _

I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, feeling the lonely tear gently trickle down my face. From behind me I can hear Mikey's doubtful voice ask: "She isn't coming out of there, is she?"

I refuse to look around and see his broken face when Raph answers that question.

The morning after, I wake up more tired than I had been the previous night. We're back at the place we had set up camp for our first night and are now waiting for something to happen. For Renet to return maybe? For Shredder or Yoshi to find us? It's all we can do right now.

"Everything's back to normal," Donnie says, staring at his phone again. "Finally." His voice is steady but just like the rest of us, his sad brown eyes and the twisted frown on his forehead shows how badly he's feeling right now.

"Except for the part where we're stuck thousands of miles from home and sixteen years _in the past_!"

I recognise Raph's coping mechanism, covering up all his emotions by the one he believes works best for him. Anger.

"We might as well get used to it guys. Maybe being a Yokai won't be so bad."

And there is Mikey's. Always thinking on the bright sight of things, trying to cover up how we all heard him cry last night.

But before I can say anything in return, a portal above us opens. Renet, ever the graceful time-sorceress, falls out of the sky. I'm glad she's here. The sooner we can leave, the better.

Mikey enthusiastically hugs her while Raph remains sceptical, pressing for answers as to why she wasn't here sooner. She explains how she kept looking for us and I believe her, but something else is bugging me.

"Why? Why did we have to come here? Of all times, of all places?"

Mikey lets go of her and she takes a step towards me, a smile on her face. If she knew what she put us through, she wouldn't be looking this happy. Maybe Raph is right, she's an awful time-sorceress.

"It was the sceptre," she explains. "It brought you here to make sure Splinter survived." This time the smile does run away from her face and I think she notices our somber moods.

"Wait, so it's always been this way?" Donnie asks. He shakes his head in disbelief. "We were always destined to come here and safe Master Splinter's life?"

"And to leave Tang Shen to die," I say out loud, bitterness still evident in my voice. In the corner of my eyes I can see Donnie wince. While I can't see them, I can hear the low growl coming from Raph and a soft whimper from Mikey.

Renet shrugs. "There is another dimension in which you don't," she tells us simply. "You save her and she and Yoshi survive. They both move to New York and die sixteen years later after the Kraang invasion. Just like April and Casey. Leatherhead dies during one of the experiments together with Miwa, who will be mutated into a snake nevertheless. The four of you are separated and bought by different owners. Mikey and Donnie die after only fifteen weeks because the owner forgets to feed them. Raph dies during the invasion as well and Leo continues to live for a little while longer in the sewers together with Spike."

We all stare at here, mouths agape and little shivers running through our bodies every time she mentions how one of our closest friends and family perishes.

"Urgh, can you just take us home now, my head is starting to hurt." I want to glare at Raph for being so inconsiderate but I when I see my little brother's tired and broken face, I know he didn't mean it that way. He just wants to go home, like we all want to. There's nothing left here for us to solve.

"No problem," Renet says, a small, gentle smile directed my way. Maybe she knows more than she's letting on. How many times did she have this adventure anyways?

"Future New York, here we come."

After saying our good-byes to Renet it's quiet for a little while. I think we're all still pondering over the choice we just made. We sacrificed Tang Shen to save all of New York, our friends and our family, but also ourselves. If we wouldn't have done it Tang Shen would have died anyways but still have sixteen years with her husband and child.

I groan softly. Raph is right, this time-traveling makes your head hurt.

"Let's go home guys," Mikey says, still staring dreamily in front of him. When we've all had a decent night of sleep, I think we should go talk to our little brother about how he would 'never have a crush on a girl, uh uh, no way, no sir.' I smirk a little.

"_It'll be good to see Master Splinter_."

**Sooooo… I hoped you guys liked this little ficlet, which turned out a lot harder than I thought it would be. I had to watch the episode several times to get everything right, with the places and the dialogue and everything. Man, it was hard. **

**And by the way, I totally agree with Raph on this one, time traveling is awfully difficult to understand and every time I try to figure it out my brain explodes! No joke. **

**Please appreciate all my hard work by leaving kind reviews with tips or praises or whatever. **

**See ya all!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys, this drabble is actually for a guest-reviewer. She wondered about the days prior to Tale of the Yokai, as Mikey at one point complains about having eaten berries for **_**days**_**. So yeah, here is a little insight on those days. Sort off. Of course I had to do something with Mikey as a main character again though, it's how I roll.**

All it takes is Time and Rabbits

Man I don't think I've been this tired in my entire life. And that says something, figuring we save the world probably every other week. We've been walking for hours already and I'm pretty sure none of us really knows where we're going. Plus, I can't even remember the last time we've slept. When I followed Renet through that time-warp-hole-sort-of-looking-like-a-giant-door-thingy it had been night. Then we came into the weird medieval place next where it had been day and we've been there up until night as well. And now it's day again. So I know that's kind of normal, we've been time-traveling after all, but that doesn't really change anything about getting tired. And since it's the first time we aren't in imminent danger ever since we left, it sort of starts to catch up to me now.

I think the missed sleep is doing a number on all of us. My brothers are getting grumpy. Leo is practically stomping in front of us, not even sparing a glance backwards as he leads us through the woods. Raph is scowling like always, but it's a little deeper than his usual scowl, telling me he's irritated. With Donnie you can't really see it on the outside but after snapping at me when I started telling jokes to kill time for a bit, it was clear he wasn't really feeling his best either.

My stomach is grumbling badly now too. Our belts are really useful you know, for weapons and some medical supplies. But at times like this I wish we would keep a little extra space for an energy bar or two. We've been running from normal knights, _skeleton_ knights, weird wizards and red, Japanese, ninja dudes we don't even know and never did we stop to take a nap or snack. And that sure does something to a guy's energy levels, I can tell you that.

"Dudes, can't we just take a rest for a while. We aren't getting anywhere like this."

I know there's a little whine at the end of my sentence but I don't care. I'm the little bro, they expect things like that from me. All three of my brothers turn around with different looks of annoyance. Leo is the first to speak up, his face creasing from worrying and tiredness. He looks like that a lot lately, especially since 'that' moment. His knee has healed but his confidence is still not a hundred percent.

"We've only been walking for half an hour Mikey," he tells me, waving his T-phone in my direction. I huff, puffing my chest and crossing my arms but not saying anything. It sure felt like hours already. Probably because we've been walking while slowly starving to death.

"The Nutball has got a point though," Raph speaks up. "We don't have a clue where we're going. Heck, we don't even know _when_ we are and we completely lost track of Renet! She can hardly use that fancy stick of hers, no way she's going to find us now!"

I don't know what Raph's problem is with Renet, I think she's awesome. She's so sweet and she does so many things to help us and she's a time-sorceress which is so cool and not to forget that she's really pretty and smells so nice…

The weird feelings I felt earlier are back inside my tummy. I can also feel my face slowly growing red and I hope my brothers won't see it. I don't really understand why I feel like getting sick every time Renet comes close but for some strange reason I kind of like it.

"Raph and Mikey are right, Leo," Donnie tweaks in, walking right behind Leo and taking a step back when our big bro turns around sharply. This forest is obviously quite dense which means that we aren't getting any closer to clearances or to the edge of it. It might go on for hundreds of miles still and even then we won't know for sure there will be civilization nearby. We better conserve our energy and try to find some food and shelter. Also, if we stay as close as possible to where we were dropped, Renet might find us sooner."

Leo sighs. Not like a normal sigh Splinter does often when we break something or do something stupid again. It's more like this really long, troubled sigh as if he's ready to give up.

"Alright lets find a place we can set up camp. We need space big enough that we can build a campfire without burning the entire forest down."

I'm relieved but I can see Leo is not happy with his decision. I kind of get it. I mean, I'm tired but I can't even imagine what he must be feeling. He's still our leader and our oldest brother. We always trust him to get us out of the nasty situations but that must be a tough thing to do for just one guy. I mean, can he even get us out of this one? We're pretty far from home I think.

I follow Donnie's lead in gathering some rocks along the way. It doesn't take us long before we find a nice and quiet spot with just enough room to have a firepit and still being able to lay around it comfortably. Leo starts digging a hole for the pit while I'm up in the trees with Raph to gather leaves for our, I guess you would call them nests. Donnie says it's natural for turtles to have nests but I'm not really looking forward to sleeping on a bunch of leaves really. I have a sensitive skin and shells aren't as comfortable to sleep on as you might think. Without a supportive mattress and fluffy pillows there is no way I'll be able to get my eight hours of sleep tonight.

"Hey guys," Raph and I look down to see Leo and Donnie finished their tasks already. "We're going to see if there's anything to eat around here. Will you come help when you're done?"

I salute them playfully before swinging to the next branch. I like this place. They remind me of the forest close to the farmhouse. Too bad there isn't something like that around here. Don't get me wrong, I like the outdoors but the only way you can really enjoy it is when there's an indoors nearby. You know, a place that's warm where you can watch TV and eat before you go to sleep in a nice and warm bed.

"Stop swinging, ya little monkey. You're shaking me out of the tree!"

I laugh, not really listening to him when I keep breaking of branches and throwing them down. When Raph says we have enough we climb down and pluck the leaves of their branches so we won't have anything pointy poking us when we try to sleep.

Raph is rather quiet when we're working and it makes me nervous. I don't like the silence.

"You know, this is actually kind of fun," I say, continuing to work on the branches.

"Depends on what you think is fun," Raph grumbles. "I don't think being stuck in some kind of weird timeline where every person you meet wants to kill you is fun."

"Come on, lighten up Raph. It's been a long time since we've done something just with the four of us. Enjoy it a little. Renet might be here any time to whisk us back home."

Raph gathers heaps of leaves and I do the same. We hide them inside the hollow tree we found nearby. Don had said the space underneath the tree would come in handy if it would rain, so at least our gear could stay dry. Raph and I figured it was also a good place to keep the leaves for now to keep them from blowing away.

"Look little brother, I know you have the hots for that chick but you got to admit she's the worst time-sorceress you've ever seen."

"The only one I've ever seen," I quip but only then the words my brother spoke sink in.

"Hey, what do you mean, 'I have the hots for her'?" I ask him, a little more petulant than I would've liked. The weird feelings are returning again but instead of making me feel better, they now make me uncomfortable.

The weird chuckle Raph lets go off doesn't make me feel any better. "Seriously," he says. "We can all see you like her. I gotta say, she doesn't look too bad. She's just as much of a knucklehead as you are and at least you're getting more of a reaction from her than Don ever got with April."

"I don't _like_ like her," I say, my face heating up even more. Raph sees it and his smirk only grows wider. He's enjoying this a little too much for comfort, I think. I know how much he has teased Donnie for having a crush on April. And I don't even have a real crush, do I? I mean, sure Renet is nice but it's not like I'm in love, I hardly know her. Right?

"Wait," I continue when a thought strikes. I quickening my pace so I can watch my brother face-to-face. "You think she likes me back?"

He laughs but not in a sarcastic or humorous way. "Let's go see where Don and Leo are," he says and I follow him. Maybe Raph is right about girls just being a stupid distraction but it sure feels nice to be close to Renet. The rest of the way she's all I can think about.

When we find Leo and Donnie, they're both crouched low behind a couple of bushes. "What are you doing?" I ask and they both immediately start shushing me.

"There's a rabbit's nest a little over there, you see?" I follow Leo's finger towards a large tree surrounded by a couple of overhanging plants. Some of the leaves start to move and at one point I see a fluffy, grey ear poking from between the branches.

"I'll see if I can sneak up from behind. You guys go hide over there," he points again. "Then if it hops out on me you can cut off its path."

We nod and take in our positions. When I'm ducked low behind one of the large trees together with Raph, I can't find Leo anymore. There isn't much happening for quite some time and I'm quickly getting bored. The rabbit is still moving around and I can see more and more of its fur when it does. Leo has got to move soon or he'll lose it.

The woods are even more dense around here, a lot of briar growing all over the place. It would be the perfect place to play ninja-tag or something. Enough space to hide and also the trees to climb into. Or we can play hide and seek.

"Get ready," Raph hisses, hitting me upside the head. I glare at him but he doesn't look at me anymore, his eyes trained on the bushes ahead. I follow his gaze and finally I can see a flash of blue only a few feet from where the rabbit is sitting. But then…

Before I know it the rabbit is running and Leo lands hard with his face in the sand. I let go of a few giggles and laugh when Raph shouts: "Nice going, Leo!"

I want to look back and see Leo's face but there is no time to loose. Raph, Don and I chase the little critter through the woods and I have to say, for an animal with such short legs he's really fast. I keep laughing when we chase him. Running like this, when you aren't at risk of being hurt or killed the moment you slow down a little, is actually a lot of fun. I whoop and jump up, swinging on a branch once before catapulting myself forwards. The branch shoots back with force and catches Donnie of guard, almost knocking him down.

"Mikey, watch it!"

I turn around to look at him which Raph sees as the perfect opportunity to hop over me, pushing himself off of my shell and slowing me down.

"First to catch it gets the best parts!" he shouts, the bet ending in a surprised yell when Leo suddenly appears before him. "Fine by me," he says rather smugly, an excited smile on his face when he glances back at us.

It surprises me a lot. I haven't seen him like this in so long. Like a teen really. And we're still teens you know, so I shouldn't be this happy to see him acting like one. But I am, so I smile back. I speed up to catch up with my oldest bros, getting past them easily as I always was the fastest of us four.

"You aren't going to catch me," I laugh, doing an extra flip for show when one of the hills goes down a little steep.

"We weren't trying to, just get that stinking rabbit," Raph snarls, probably getting snarky because he's losing. But I do as he says anyway and focus on the task at hand. At one point the animal is running straight in front of me and I eye him like a hawk. Huh, would this be how a hawk would feel? Well, probably a little different because it would fly, but would it still have this much fun when chasing rabbits?

"Wow!" My left foot catches behind a couple of vines and I make a nose-dive forward. Lucky for us the rabbit got startled by my shout and trips a little when it tries to jump away. I catch the furry beast in my arms just in time.

"Got it!"

I turn around to show my brothers the animal, smirking a little when they almost barrel into me with the speed they're running at. The rabbit starts biting my skin a little but it's too tough to draw blood. I grab the little creature by the ears to stop the nibbling though.

"So… what now?" I ask, looking at my brothers curiously. Catching the rabbit had been a lot of fun but I haven't really thought of what to do after. For some reason Donnie starts frowning deeply. Before I can ask him why though, Raph snatches the rabbit out of my hands.

"You just break its neck, you see. Twist it around fast till it snaps. I've seen it often enough on TV."

I watch my brother with wide eyes when he tries to get his hands around the rabbit's neck. I mean, I know meat comes from animals. I _know_ that. And that there's no way animals can live after giving their meat. But this is just… different. The rabbit's fur is so soft and his nose is pink and his tail is wriggling and looks like cotton candy. It reminds me of Sensei a little, the way its face is all pointy-like but still can look gentle. And it actually looks cute, like ice-cream-kitty really. How could I ever kill something that looks so much like home?

Before I can even think I jump my red-banded brother, forcing the rabbit onto the ground so it can hop away. It stays for a couple of seconds, probably too much in shock to notice what happens. Leo tries to grab at it.

"No!"

The rabbit quickly scurries away and for a moment I a soft sigh of relief passes through my lips. That's when I meet my older brothers' angry glares. I squeeze my eyes shut and brace myself, and my ears mostly, for: "Mikey!"

Strangely enough it comes from only two brothers, not the three I expected.

"That was food, you moron, food we've crossed half the forest for to get! Why did you do that?!"

A bruise is forming on the arm I barrelled into when I saved the rabbit and all of the sudden I feel really guilty. It was me who complained about wanting to rest and to have something to eat. But I didn't really think we had to kill something for that either.

A warm arm wraps around my shoulders. "Leave him alone," Donnie hisses, which even makes me flinch a little bit. I look up to my big brother and he smiles gently down at me. Weird, Don is usually the first to yell at me when I do something wrong.

"Hunting like this is a waste of our energy and resources. We won't survive that way if we have to stay here for a longer period of time, possibly weeks. Let's gather some berries and edible plants. If rodents can live here, so can we. I've already seen blueberries a little off that way."

Without waiting for an answer he starts walking in the direction we came from. Donnie doesn't take his arm back. He keeps it around me and I'm not planning on pulling away. I'm not really sure what just happened but I'm glad Don stood up to Raph. He doesn't really do that often either.

I can hear Leo and Raph speaking from behind us. Raph sounds annoyed still and he probably will be for some time. The hothead wasn't in a good mood to begin with anyway. But later that day he gives me a pat on my head, calling me a 'knucklehead', so I know it's all right.

That night we're all sitting around the campfire, my back already aching from the hard ground. Man, do I miss my mattress. We've been munching on berries all night and no one mentioned the rabbit incident ever since. Only the part in which Leo dove and got his face shoved full of dirt. His cheeks got all red when even Donnie started to laugh at him and eventually Leo joined as well. It was nice. Maybe, when we're back in New York and all the bad guys are finally defeated, we can go back to the farmhouse. The forest smells a lot better than the city, let alone the sewers.

It's actually warm tonight. The leaves are crisp against my body and the fire hot against my skin. We've been talking and joking for quite some time and now we're just sitting around and relaxing a little. It's quiet and I'm starting to get drowsy.

"Let's go to sleep guys. We've a lot to do tomorrow. A lot to figure out."

Leo is right. I close my eyes just like the rest of my brothers but sleep won't come that easily. It just doesn't feel right. I stare up to the sky but a big tree is blocking my view. I have an idea.

Quietly as to not wake Raph who is sleeping right next to me, I get up to a crouch and start climbing. While lying on the thick branch that first blocked my view from the starry sky, I quickly fall asleep.

I don't really know where we are, or when we are, but maybe this all won't be so bad.

**So it was supposed to be multiple days but after having written over 3k words for only one already, I'm kinda content with this at the moment. Reviewers who get the last line I added will get a whole bunch of cyber-brownies. Non-reviewers who get the last line… Sorry, you get nothing. I need to know if you got it before you get brownies right? *hint hint***

**For you who follow my other stories as well, another chapter of Mutual Rights should be up soon. If I can figure out the last part that is.**

**See ya!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey you guys. I don't really know where this story came from. It started with me wondering about the new episode of season 4, with the ice-cold planet and how the cold affects the turtles and everything. It made me think. And then it made me write. And then this happens. I'll just shut up now and let you read what I mean.**

**Enjoy!**

Saturated

I don't know where I am. They never told me. They don't tell me anything really, only ask questions. And make promises for when I answer those questions. But I won't. Sometimes I'm so tired, the headaches getting so bad, that I can hardly remember why I always refuse to answer. But even during those moments this one sentence sticks in my brains. _For my family._

They don't torture me here like or other enemies would have tortured me. They don't beat me or cut me or threaten to kill me. I'm not bleeding or bruised and they hardly secured me. Only one shackle around my wrist to keep me from attacking anyone. I used to try that but ever since the wounds on my wrist got infected, I don't anymore. They treated me, but not too kindly and the attacks never got me anywhere anyways.

But even though they don't hurt me with blades or fists, they still hurt me. Because whenever I refuse to say answer their questions, they turn up the heat by one degree and subtract a cup of water a day. In the beginning I didn't mind so much, I hardly noticed the difference. The extra warmth was nice, the way it is to any cold-blooded creature. I remember telling them this was officially the lamest torture-method anyone has ever come up with. How I humorously screamed, acting to be in so much pain and yelling that being any more comfortable would probably kill me. They never even twitched when I laughed in their faces.

The jokes are kind of lost to me now. Not that I'm about to let them notice. The heat is just so stifling that my head won't stay clear. And every time I try to open my mouth, my lips will crack, the taste of blood filling my mouth. I absolutely hate it when that happens. The thirst is excruciating and only gets worse when thick blood runs down my throat. But my taunts and remarks are basically the only weapons I have left. No way I'm letting them silence _me_.

I don't know how long I've been here. They never told me that either. I wait for my brothers, that's all what matters right now. I fight for every drop of water I can get a hold on so they can get to me. I don't care how long it's going to take them or how long I can hold on. I just have to focus on the moment they'll storm in and get me back. How often I've pictured that when I was bored.

Raph will call me a princess again, a true damsel-in-distress, teasing me with how I always have to wait for them to safe me. Donnie will be going a hundred miles an hour to make sure I'm okay, asking tens of thousands of questions which, for a change, I wouldn't mind to answer because they're coming from a worried brother. Leo will murder everyone who has had a hand in this with a single look, not even needing to touch the humans here to keep them away from us, fixing them in place with a stare. After making sure we're all safe, he'll lead us out of here. It's the way it always goes.

When I don't envision or escape, adding cool weapons and a James Bond car into the mix just to have something to laugh about, I remember this time we were at the farmhouse with the whole family. Master Splinter's bones had been aching that entire winter, so when summer came around he needed the warmth to make them feel better. That year it had been particularly hot.

We were all basking on the grass, enjoying the fresh air of the outside world and the sun on our skin. But even reptiles need some cooling down sometimes. I went inside the farmhouse, claiming to get the others some refreshments. I had stacked a package of water-balloons in my room and thought it was the perfect opportunity to get them out. I brought up a bucket from the basement and filled it with ice-cubes. After filling the water-balloons and placing them in the bucket with melting ice-water, I snuck back out and started the best water-fight of our lives.

The faces of Leo and Casey had been priceless when I hit them with a balloon each but of course I couldn't hold onto the bucket for very long. Soon it was a free-for-all with the waterhose brought into play along with more buckets, cups, pans, everything we could find. Master Splinter, who was more agile and faster than I've seen him that entire year, had a smile on his face when he sprayed April thoroughly, a laugh escaping our father when Raph dumped a bucket over his head. Of course my hotheaded brother had to pay big-time for that later on.

Hours later, all of us lay spend and soaked on the grass again. The water-drops on our skin prevented us from getting too hot again and brought pleasant tingles to my skin when they slowly evaporated. _Told you it would be refreshing_, I remember myself saying before nodding off. It's one of my favourite memories.

I wish we would do things like that more often. Leo and sensei refuse to relax and drop their guards for once, Donnie never leaving his cave-of-inventions and Raph always being so… Raph. They don't have time to hang out and mess around with me anymore. Even though I'm pretty sure it would do them good to take a break every once in a while, I understand them too.

To be honest, fooling around was what got me into this mess in the first place. I guess we really are too old to play hide and seek in the city. When being alone, you're vulnerable. When playing games, you're distracted.

The soldiers leave me alone for now. Mostly it's soldiers that question me and professors who 'look after me'. They're pretty much your basic stereotypes-bad-guys: camouflage-outfits for the soldiers and white lab-coats for the so-called doctors. I told them about the cliché but they only reacted with that same indifference they always do. It's weird but sometimes I wish they would just hit me already.

It's the scientisty professors that I hate the most. They treated my infection and looked after the wounds they inflicted when they captured me but also keep track on what the dehydration does to my body. Even though they don't touch me as gently as Donnie does with my booboos, the rough treatment is not why I hate them. It's that they exactly know how much I'm suffering and don't care at all. I can't speak without blood flowing down my mouth, my head pounding, my skin flaking and my tongue is three times the size it used to be. They know how terrible I'm feeling and know what to do to make it go away. They just don't _care_.

I don't think I'm going to be given water anymore. They question me twice a day I think. The first questioning is always the hardest and takes the longest. The second one is probably a couple of hours later and usually doesn't take that long, maybe two hours tops. After that no one will be around for quite a long time, much longer than the questionings and the time in between together. I guess that is because everyone seems to be going home tonight except for some guards. I know because even though I can't see anything outside this room, I can still hear them.

Anyways, they would always give me water after each questioning, which I liked because then I could sooth my throat after constantly having said 'screw you' and 'over my dead body'. They haven't given me anything after the last four questionings, which I translate as two days.

So yeah, two days without water. How long can a turtle survive like this? How long can a _mutant_ turtle survive like this? I think they're getting tired of me and want to get rid of me. I mean, they still come to question me but you can see they're getting bored with it. Can't say I think any different about them either. Too bad that they can just let me die in here now they're done with me but I still have to deal with them yelling at me during questionings. Not fair.

There are sounds coming from outside the door that leads to my cell. I don't pay it any attention. The thinking has drained most of the energy I had left. Can't tell Raph that, he will have a field-day if he ever finds that out. Oh well, to be honest, I wish he were here right now, smacking me upside the head as a distraction to the constant pounding. He would tell me to toughen up and quit being such a baby.

I close my eyes. The headaches never completely lie down but I mostly feel better when I can't see the bright lights burning down on me. The room is very large, I could practically run laps in it if I wasn't chained. But no matter how much space there is in here, it's so empty in here too that there isn't any way to escape those lights and their heat. They're the reason I don't sleep as much as I should to keep up my energy levels.

But I feel really tired now. Maybe if I rest, I'll feel better after a while. Maybe if I sleep, I'll have the energy to fight those guys again. Maybe…

It feels like hours it has been hours when I wake up, although my brothers later told me it were probably only a couple of minutes. They came, you know. They actually came the moment I felt like I couldn't keep it up anymore. Okay so maybe my captors aren't the only ones digging the clichés. But I like my heroes arriving _just_ in time to save the day way more than the ones that come a day too late.

It's Raph who is there first, pulling at my shoulder, his grip painful on my dried skin. It's Donnie who pulls him away and Leo who comes closer only seconds later. I'm not sure how I know who is who. My eyes are still closed. But yet I know it, the same way I know that it is my brothers around me and not the men who kept me here. Government researchers, Donnie told me later. Like Bishop but maybe even more cruel.

Leo presses something against my lips, making them crack again. I want to protest but before I can complain, he tilts the flask, letting fresh water flow into my mouth and down my throat. I haven't opened my eyes yet, I just relish the taste, even though it's just plain water. It's warm and tastes like plastic and is coppery with blood I know is mine. Yet it's the most wonderful thing I've ever put in my mouth. Pizza could never compare. I think I smirked at that thought, but I'm not sure. My mind is currently occupied elsewhere.

When the steady flow of water stops, I finally decide to peak around. The lights are turned off, which is a relief but also makes it that I can hardly see. I wince when the flask is taken away from my lips, blood sticking to my skin and the plastic when it is pulled.

"More," I croak but I can't even hear my own voice. My brothers seem to have understood though.

"You can't, Mikey," Donnie tells me gently, his voice, together with a confirming hum from Leo, creating a comforting vibration echoing through my ears. But I still hear Raph moving next to me, reaching for the water I think he carries in his own belt. He has always been concerned like that.

"Can you stand?" Leo asks. Man, how much I've missed his voice. I like hearing it, whenever it is to give me a command, to ask me a question, or, how I love it the most, when he gives me a compliment. No matter how old we're all getting, sometimes I need my older brother to make me feel safe. I wonder if he knows that.

"'M tied," I manage to get out, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth with dried saliva. I think it's only then that they notice the chain connecting to my wrist. Donnie and his bag-of-tricks make quick work of that though. The skin appearing from underneath the metal stands out against the rest of my arm. The colour is a much lighter green than the rest of my body. I didn't even know we could get tanned but I guess that with our human DNA and the bright uv-lights on without a break, it's not impossible.

Two arms grip mine and pull them over two familiar shoulders. They get up too fast and I can feel my head lolling backwards, my vision growing even darker than the room already is. I feel like throwing up.

"Be careful," Donnie hisses. "He's severely dehydrated. That little bit of water we gave him can make him seriously sick. Not even taking into account the head-rush he must be having right now."

I want to comment but my brain is currently dealing with the afore-mentioned head-rush. My brothers are talking but it isn't to me. I just wait for them to start moving already. Eventually I end up on the back of Leo's shell, getting a piggy-back-ride back to the van they brought along. They've stolen it. Probably because they broke into a government facility and don't want our own vehicles to be tracked or recognized when we ride them around New York. I wonder what sensei will think of it though.

The air is incredibly cold against my skin. To my surprise it's still day, the setting sun casting long shadows and light still coming down from the orange sky above. My brothers don't seem to notice the drastic change in temperature. Actually, unless I've been gone for months, which isn't likely, it should be spring now and because of that, not this cold. I'm shaking badly and my bros pick up on it. "What's happening to him, Donnie?" Leo asks, his voice as levelled as he can manage, but rising at the end slightly out of panic.

"He's going into shock. There are too many stimuli for his body to cope. The temperature outside is around twenty degrees below the temperature that room had been in. He's too fragile to deal with it all."

I want to protest but all I can get out is a moan. Lucky for me, my brothers are mind-readers.

"I don't mean you're weak, little brother," Donnie says affectionately, his hand on my arm for a second before taking it back. They're still moving as fast as they can to get to the van. "You're in a bad condition is all. They put your body through a lot and us running around like this with the way you are now, it's not improving the situation."

I let his voice sooth the shooting pain coursing through my body away. For a moment I wonder how them getting me out of there, no matter how they do it, cannot be 'improving the situation' but I'm too tired to care now. I feel very sick but refuse to throw up. My stomach and throat hurt enough already, thank you very much.

Finally we reach the van, Donnie diving behind the steering wheel as he reaches the van first. He turns up the heat and haywires the car again to get it moving. Leo takes me to the back of the van, Raph hopping in after us. We aren't followed and I think that is because my brothers took everyone out in that facility. From the outside, the building looks fairly small and since my tormentors were the same people every day, I don't think there were a lot of people in there to begin with.

I know my brothers don't like resorting to murder, but sometimes it is necessary. Other times, they are angry. I've never experienced a situation in which my brothers have killed purely out of rage but Donnie told me about it once. Raphael can get in that state of mind easily and often it is either Leo or me who pulls him out of it. But when one of his little brothers gets hurt badly, Leo can lose it too. They never keep Donnie or me around when they are like that, they always sent us off to either safe the one we are there for while they deal with the opponents we face, or they sent us home while they 'cover the rear'.

When Leo wraps an old blanket around me which I remember from home, I decide that I don't really care that they killed for me. The caring looks from my eldest brothers directed to me are all I need at the moment.

I guess they didn't know what state they would find me in. Donnie's full-stocked med kit is also in the back with us, which says something. Normally Don only has his duffel bag with him, carrying the basics to make sure we can at least make it back to the lair to get proper treatment.

Leo leans me against him and even though I know I'm too old for this, I let him. I think he needs the close contact just as much as I do. Only know I notice how much I've missed them over these last few, days? Weeks?

Raph moves to my other side and I can see another flask of water in his hand. I hope he'll let me have another few sips but instead he keeps the water well out of my way. He takes a roll of bandages out of the med kit and cuts of a small piece. He pours some water on it and squats next to me again. I can't help but stare forlornly at the drops he spilled, unable to reach them. My eyes snap back to Raph though, when he puts the soaked pieces on my lips. It feels nice, even though the thought of having water so close makes the inability to drink even more painful.

I thought not being able to drink for days and seeing bottles of water just out of your reach evaporate before your eyes, was the worst torture I ever endured. But even though I know they try to help, the few sips of water my brothers gave me have only made the incredible thirst worse. That added to the stomach cramps, headaches and difficulty to breathe… wait. I try to take in a deep breath but it doesn't seem to be enough. I need more air but I can't draw it in. I feel like choking, but I don't know how or why.

I try to get my brothers' attention but they don't seem to understand. They tell me to calm down, that I'm fine and should take deep breaths. They don't get that I'm trying, that I'm not having a panic-attack but just can't breathe! Before I know it, my already over-worked body shuts down. Black dots start filling my vision and I welcome them. I really need to sleep.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

Normally, I always feel better after sleeping. My bros often complain that I'm too lazy, should learn how to set my alarm, that meditation isn't the time for cat-naps, blah blah blah. If they slept as much as they should, I'm pretty sure they'd be a hell of a lot happier, that including me. Try staring at those ugly, overly-tired mugs for longer than fifteen seconds and you know what I mean.

This time, however, the waking up feels like a ton of bricks crashing down on me. My chest feels heavy and even the thought of having to breathe makes me feel tired. My head is still pounding and I know that the moment I'll try to stand up, there will be vomit all over the place.

"Mikey?"

I ignore the voice. Sorry Donnie, I really can't open my eyes right now. You have no idea how this feels.

"Mikey," he says again, this time more persistently. He knows I'm not sleeping anymore and judging by the impatience in his voice, I probably shouldn't have him wait too long. A worried Donatello is an agitated Donatello. And after everything that has happened, I guess he's pretty agitated right now.

"There you go," he murmurs more gently when I open my eyes. My vision is one big blur but I don't mind for now. My focus is currently on the massive headache which isn't going to lie down anytime soon and only gets worse with the dimmed light streaming underneath my eyelids. Don always turns down the lightning when we have concussions or other illnesses of which a symptom is a headache. But unless it's completely dark in his lab, it's never enough for me.

"I need you to stay awake for now, little brother."

I try to look up to him. Just a big blob of green with a stripe of purple through it.

"We've just arrived home," Donnie explains, keeping his voice soft. "I put you on a drip and gave you a blood-transfusion. Leo has been donating blood every day since you were gone just to be sure."

It's just like Donnie always does. Whenever one of us has passed out, he'll always explain the situation before we can start freaking out ourselves. Plus, it's comforting and gives the injured turtle some time to fully awaken and be more aware of everything that hurts. Over the years we've learned proper bedside-manners and the do's and don'ts of dealing with sick hurt and often cranky brothers.

"What just happened?" I try to ask, the croak in my voice and the pain shooting through my throat making it sound more like screeching tires than an understandable sentence.

"Because you haven't had any water in your system for such a long time, the little Leo gave you immediately went into your bloodstream. Because of the water-deprivation, the concentration of minerals and compounds were higher inside your red bloodcells than in the bloodstream itself. They absorbed the water rapidly and exploded. That's why you passed out. The red bloodcells couldn't transport oxygen through your body anymore."

I don't try to understand everything he says. It sounds gross though, exploding bloodcells. "You knew that would happen?" I ask through a wince.

This time it takes Donnie a few moments to answer. I'm not sure it is because he can't understand a thing of what I'm saying or because he doesn't like the answer he knows he has to give.

"I had an idea. That's why I made Leo give you only one flask. I'm sorry Mikey, I know you felt very sick after, probably still know. But you were in such a bad shape I was afraid that if I didn't give you any, you would die on us before we got you here. I thought giving you water would keep you alive long enough to put you on an IV and give you the blood-transfusion to make up for the blood-count. I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

I didn't mean to make him feel guilty, I know they all did their best. But I don't think I need to tell them that. Donnie knows I'll forgive him in a heartbeat. He's trying to save my life here, a bit hard to stay mad at the guy for doing that.

"S'okay. Are the others here?"

He nods, standing up and moving out of the way. Leo is slumped over Donnie's desk, vast asleep. I can't see Raph anywhere but I bet he's taking a power-nap too. One I know Donnie needs more than anything but he's always been a night-owl. No matter what we do or say, he won't go to sleep unless he's sure everyone is safe and sound. The best thing I can do for him now, is get better as soon as I can.

"Leo wanted to stay here in case you would need more blood. He fell asleep on me though. But that's okay. I already told him the amount he had donated already was enough to fill up at least two ninja turtles," Don smirks. "Raph is somewhere between here and the kitchen. He was supposed to get me coffee an hour ago."

I smile. Actually I want to laugh but that would be a very bad idea. As much as my throat hurts now, I don't want to know what it's going to feel like when I spread my cracked lips too much.

Donnie goes over and shakes Leo awake. He tells him something in a hushed voice before going into the living room, trying to figure out where Raph fell asleep on his way to the kitchen. In the meantime, Leo rolls over to me in his swivelling chair and places a warm hand on my shoulder when he's next to me.

"How are you feeling?" he asks me, a question I had already expected. His voice is rough with sleep. I don't think any of them have slept well since I was gone. We never do when one of us is missing.

"Like crap," I whisper, smiling a little to get that worried frown from Leo's face. It works, like always. For a moment Leo stands up, fetches something from the desk and comes back. He shows me the label on the tube he's holding. Lotion?

Without another word he starts to massage the lotion into my dried-out skin, being mindful of the crook of my elbow, where the blood-transfusion enters my body. The cool liquid really helps with the itching, which up until now, I haven't really been aware of. It's nice, feeling my big brother's hands soothingly rubbing up and down my skin. It reminds me he's still there. That I'm away from that awful place. Sure there's still pain, and not much my brothers can do about it. But all that suffering inflicted by heartless humans is now slowly replaced by gentle, comforting touches of caring brothers. That's all that I care about at the moment.

Don and Raph come in soon after. "So then it's alright to fall asleep while drinking the coffee you were _supposed_ to bring _me_?"

I can see Raph is absolutely unperturbed about the earful he's currently getting from Donnie. On the contrary, he's ignoring or Brainiac brother, not even bothering to hear him out. He comes over casually, putting a hand on my arm much the same way Leo had done earlier. His doesn't stay too long though. But he keeps looking at me with this fierce glint in his eyes. It makes me feel watched over and safe.

"Hey Donnie," I try, my voice sounding even worse than it had before. Raph flinches and Leo stops rubbing lotion onto my leg. "Can we have a water-fight?"

Raph's head turns to Don and if I would be able to talk properly, I had laughed at how ridiculously surprised he looked. "Did he say water-fight?"

Donnie shrugs, coming closer and placing a hand on top of my head. "I think he's confused. His head probably feels like it's being mauled at the moment. The dehydration combined with the anaemia causes terrible headaches. He can't think clearly like this."

"Hey," I try to say, but even to me it sounds more like a hiccup than anything.

"I can't take down the transfusion. He's been breathing normally for two hours now. That must be enough. After that he can sleep all he wants and let the fluids do their work. He needs a lot of rest after this ordeal, especially with the sleep-deprivation he has suffered in that hell-hole."

I squeeze my eyes closed when Don starts to fumble with the tubes that enter my arm. Leo starts the massaging of my legs again, trying to distract me from the horrendous feeling of having a sharp needle sliding out of my skin. The hand on my head returns, but this time it's an emerald green one which starts to rub up and down my brow slowly, lulling me into a comfortable sleep.

I want to tell them I'm not delusional. I want to tell them I was serious about the water-fight. I want to tell them thanks for getting me out of that facility. I want to thank Leo for always being there with whatever I need, even when I don't even know I need it myself. I want to thank Don for fixing me up and, despite everything, feeling bad for my pain. I want to thank Raph for letting his guard down every once in a while when I need him to.

But maybe sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Sometimes you need to keep your thoughts in between them being sincere and cherished, and them being actually spoken. I can trust my brothers that they know how important them being here is to me.

Plus, I can't wait to see their faces when they encounter the water-hose completely unexpected, it'll be priceless!

**Hmmm… I'm not so sure about the ending but hey, this had to stop at some point, right? This is a typical case of my muse having a mind of her own. It just came to me and I wrote and wrote without a plan or anything and then all of the sudden my muse was like, Okay now I'm done! And then I'm like, but this isn't an ending! Anyways, tell me what you thought of this totally random piece which still turned out to become a 5k monster. **

**See ya!**


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